The Daughter of an Addict

It’s been awhile since I’ve written about my mother. When I first started this blog, I wanted it to be a very real, personal way for me to talk about my mother’s addiction and how it has affected my life. One of the things I’ve always wanted to do since I was old enough to understand my mother’s addiction, was to travel far and wide, talking to children, and perhaps even families, about what it is like being the daughter of an addict.

If we’re being blunt, that is exactly what I am. And oddly, nowadays I don’t feel ashamed to say it.

There is a difference between acknowledging the cold, hard truth (my mother is an addict) and falling victim to the circumstances (I can’t because my mother is an addict).

And this is exactly why I have no issue with being known as the daughter of an addict.

Never in my life have I allowed who my mother is to impede on the fact that if I want something, I’ll be damned if I don’t go out and try to get it. Never in my life have I allowed who my mother is to control the kind of loving, polite, and moral person that I strive to be. Never in my life have I allowed who my mother is to be the excuse as to why I deserve any less than anybody else.

Awhile back I had put in a job application to a local business. I even went as far as to typing up a cover letter and resume and mailing it in; I just really wanted to work at this place! Anyway, days went by and I hadn’t heard anything, so I decided to check my email. Sure enough, I had an email! I excitedly opened it up to read:

“Thank you so much for your interest in [company name]. I was extremely impressed with your application, resume, and dedication to the application process. You were originally one of my top picks to interview. As part of our screening process, I always check the social media pages of our applicants. My perception of you immediately changed upon viewing your Facebook page. Many of the things you had posted included language and symbols that do not align with [our company] values. For this reason, I had to remove you from the application process. I think that you were a really strong candidate, so I would really encourage you to clean up your page when applying to jobs in the future, as nearly every employer screens social media in this day in age. Thank you again for your interest. I wish you the best in your future endeavors.”

I stood there in absolute awe and anger. I immediately went to my Facebook page, scrolling and scrolling trying to find something inappropriate that I had posted inadvertently. I found nothing. I was in disbelief. What the heck did this woman see on my Facebook page that would disqualify me as an applicant for a job? I was so upset, I had really wanted this job!

Oh no…

Turns out, she didn’t even look at my profile. I immediately got angry at my mother. Our names are the same, so even though I have my Facebook profile name different than hers, the name on my application was the same as her Facebook account. I got on her page and I found what the woman had said was against her company’s policies. It all made sense now.

But now what?

It wasn’t fair that I was suffering the consequences of someone else’s actions, let alone my mom’s. I was even more mad because it seemed like I was always just playing the role of the daughter of someone whom society sees as bad.

I emailed her back.

I explained how she probably didn’t check out the right account, and if she wanted to see mine, she’d have to look under a different name. I apologized, even though I was in no way wrong. I explained how we were no longer in touch and how her page is very different than my own.

I had an interview the very next day.

It seems (and not that I mind too much anymore) that I always end up having to explain to others that I’m the daughter of an addict. One way or another, the story has to come out, and I’m left hoping that the person I’m telling isn’t as judgmental as I feel like some people are.

I wanted to share that little story just to show just how easy it is to be affected by my mother’s actions. I said before that I am unashamed of being the daughter of an addict, but that does not go without saying that it doesn’t have a very big impact on my life. I am not completely immune to it, even if I am able to admit that it is who I am.

And even though I grew up with a drug addicted mother, does not mean that I will let that change how determined I am to succeed, how hard I choose to love those around me, how well I treat strangers, the energy I put into being a good person, or the attitude I have when I wake up every morning.

You see, I can acknowledge that I am the daughter of an addict. But I don’t have to fall victim to my circumstances.


The Windy City: A Review

Okay. So I swore I would do this a long time ago, (considering that I took the trip back in March) but I got a little busy… What can I say?

Anywhooo, I needed a little getaway right around the time that Spring Break came around, (I got lucky, huh?) so I decided to take the Amtrak to Chicago for five days. If I were to drive to Chicago from where I live, it would have taken me five hours and a boatload of money for gas. It ended up the Amtrak was only a three and a half hour ride and it only cost me $22 a ticket. The train is also a cool way to see the country, so I highly recommend trying it sometime!

I left for the Windy City on a Monday. The great thing about my mini vacation to Chicago was that I had a friend up there that offered to let me stay on his pull-out couch. I saved a lot of money by not having to pay for a hotel every night!

By the time I got there, it was too late to do much, so my buddy picked me up and we had dinner at Bar Louie and visited a bar in Naperville before heading for bed.

Tuesday morning we got up and decided to hit the city! The first thing we did was take the Metra Train to Ogilvie Train Station, which is the train station that is literally right in the middle of downtown Chicago. From there we walked to Millennium Park and saw The Bean (just about anyone who visits the city makes sure to get a picture with The Bean!). Millennium Park is surrounded by skyscrapers and incredible buildings, so if you really want a cool “inside view” of the city, Millennium Park is a good place to go.

The Bean, Millennium Park
Maggie Daley Park

If you keep walking through the park, you’ll eventually make it to Maggie Daley Park Plaza. It’s really just a big park, dedicated to the first lady of the city Maggie Daley, who died of cancer in 2011. The city had plans to add on to it when they wanted to make a bid on hosting the 2016 Summer Olympics. Of course, that didn’t happen, but the park is still a pretty neat sight!

All of this isn’t located too far from Michigan Avenue, one of Chicago’s well-known streets for shopping. We were hungry, so we found a cool joint called Burger Bar. The pictures of our food don’t even do it justice, but just take a look and I’m sure you’ll believe me when I say it was the best burger I had ever had!! And the milkshake was probably the most beautiful shake I’d ever seen! I think Burger Bar has a few locations, but if you’re ever on Michigan Ave, I HIGHLY recommend Burger Bar!


This trip involved a lot of firsts for me! Not only was it the first time I ever rode on a train by myself, I also had the pleasure of trying my first Krispy Kreme doughnut. Oh man. I think it’s safe to say that I am glad I live in a small town so that I don’t have access to all of the amazingly delicious (and unhealthy!) food choices the city has.

The Field Museum

While in the city, we also visited The Field Museum. I had been to Chicago before this trip with my sisters when I was in the fourth grade. On that trip, my family and I went to The Field Museum, but it’s always a lot more interesting and worthwhile when you experience it as an adult. I’m kind of a nerd, so I genuinely love museums, but I honestly think The Field Museum has a little bit of something for everybody. The architecture of the museum itself is just something to behold! It does cost admission to visit; however, they do offer discounts for seniors and military gets in free.

Firehouse 51, as seen on NBC’s television show “Chicago Fire”

One of the coolest things to happen to me while I was in Chicago occurred when we went to visit Firehouse 51. Firehouse 51 is the firehouse they use to film the show Chicago Fire; however, it’s an ACTUAL firehouse. We parked along the road in front of the firehouse and were walking up to take pictures when a firefighter walked out and asked us if we wanted to take a look inside. I used to watch Chicago Fire religiously, so of course I probably squealed and said YES!!!


I probably just got really lucky that day when they offered to give us a tour, but if you have even heard of the show Chicago Fire, Firehouse 51 might be something to check out! It’s pretty cool to see a place where a hit TV show is filmed!

Another pretty cool thing I got to do was walk through Guaranteed Rate Field, which is the home of one of Chicago’s baseball teams, the White Sox. I got kinda lucky here as well because the friend I was staying with while in Chicago works security for the stadium. So I had the opportunity to walk down in the tunnel, on the field, and sit in the dugout. Anyway, they’ve put a lot of work into making the stadium look just absolutely beautiful. If you enjoy visiting all of America’s baseball stadiums, make sure you check this one out! I’m a Cardinals fan, but I wouldn’t be shy to say that this stadium is AMAZING! Five stars! Also, they added an area that looks over the city skyline, and it is a cool place to get a good view of the city from afar!

In the White Sox’s dugout

Needless to say, I think Chicago is a beautiful city!

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Other note-worthy places to visit:

  • Gyros Express, Villa Park: Literally the best gyro I’ve ever had, and probably my favorite meal of the entire trip.31311363_1928706133868272_4799620172254019584_n
  • Portillos: Okay, so I feel like every Chicagoan is obsessed with Portillos, and even though hot dogs aren’t really my thing, they do have AMAZING Italian beef. Make sure you try a chocolate cake shake, too!
  • United Center, Home of the Chicago Bulls and Blackhawks
  • Middleterranean Mediterranean Kitchen: MAKE SURE YOU GET THE GREEK FRIES with Parmesan Cheese and Garlic Mayo!!
  • Brookfield Zoo: I looooove going to zoo. The Brookfield Zoo would be a good thing to do if you just wanted to get outside for a few hours. Also, military gets free admission, you just have to pay to park.


    I wanted to make sure I personally thanked Nick Oplawski and his family for the hospitality and for showing me the great city of Chicago! I got to experience the city life like I never thought possible!

Why I Don’t Feel Bad About Abandoning Toxic People

I have always been the type to be easily angered. I will graciously admit that. What the “old me” would do when I saw something that pissed me off would be to confront the situation immediately. I’ve always thought that if you have something to say, say it. These days I’ve kind of abandoned that idea. One, I have grown up and gained a lot more knowledge on my place in society; and two, I have a new outlet that I can vent whenever I want and write about whatever I feel.

For starters, I think that most people are generally good. I think most people will make the right decision in a tough situation, and I’d even go far enough to say that most people don’t intentionally try to piss you off.


there are people that will.

There are people out there that are rooting for you to fail. There are people that scroll through social media just looking for a life to bash on, and there are people that will never have your back, no matter what they may say while hugging you goodbye at family get-togethers.

This one’s for you.

Everyone comes into your life for a reason. Some stay with you for a lifetime, some teach you life lessons, some push you to become a better person. Most times you don’t realize what a person’s purpose is in your life until it’s time to cut them out.

But how do you know when the right time is?

When a person is no longer benefiting your happiness, success, or well-being, it’s time to cut them OUT.

You don’t have to allow a toxic person a place in your life. If there is no benefit to keeping you in my life… BYE! Let me promise you that it has nothing to do with anything other than if you’re a shitty person or not. I don’t discriminate on this. Haha. I have family I’ve abandoned simply because they serve me no purpose towards my success or goals. Here’s why I don’t feel bad about abandoning toxic people:

You don’t call and congratulate me when I succeed. Not that I need a pat on the back, but if claim that you want me to do well and are (oh I love this one) “there for me,” then picking up the phone every once in awhile goes a long way. I’m just going to assume that you’re secretly hoping that I mess something up.

You just assume things about my life.  If we don’t actively communicate, you don’t know what is going on. So why don’t you keep your name out of my mouth and quit making posts on Facebook about what you think. Because your assumptions are judgmental and well, just wrong. 🙂

I’m not part of your “in-crowd.” You can tell how important you are to a person. If you don’t fit their agenda or call them out on their bullshit, you can kiss your Christmas presents goodbye! I don’t live my life playing the puppet of what others want me to be. I am who I am, and if you don’t appreciate that, it’s not my job to try and change it. I’m confident enough in myself that I don’t have to give a damn about your in-crowd.

You don’t actually do anything for me. I think this speaks for itself. We don’t talk. You don’t call me and I really don’t see the need in calling you first. I don’t particularly like you as a person as it is. All I’m saying it, there’s really no need to have you in my life.


You are better than those that try to run you down.


Maybe you think you’re better than me, but I just really don’t have time to waste on people that only hold me down. And to be honest, I’m not sorry if that pisses you off.




The Versatile Blogger Award


I was nominated for this awhile ago by Bitchin’ in the Kitchen and I never got the chance to get back to it. So here we are! A special thanks to her for the nomination! If you haven’t already, make sure you check out her site. It’s definitely versatile and well-written! I highly recommend! She’s got character and spunk!

The rules for this award are so easy! All you do is:

  • Thank the person who nominated you
  • Share 7 things about you – one of the purposes of this award is to get to know one another better.
  • Nominate 7 bloggers who you’ve been following or have recently discovered who you believe deserve some recognition.  Another purpose of this award is to promote networking among bloggers.


  1. My favorite color is yellow. I feel like that’s not a color many people consider as beautiful, but for me it exemplifies happiness and euphoria.
  2. I loooooove Mexican food! I’m such a picky eater, but I have no trouble finding something to order at Mexican restaurants!
  3. I am not much of a gamer, but I could sit and play Minecraft for HOURS!
  4. Autumn is by far the best season. My birthday is October, so when I was younger I always had cool birthday parties at our local pumpkin patch. We had hay rack rides, sat in front of bonfires, ran through haunted cornfield mazes, and bobbed for apples. Some of my favorite childhood memories!
  5. I love learning. I am a total nerd! Take me to a library and I’ll be in there for hours. I honestly don’t mind doing most homework. I believe that knowledge is power! It’s something no one can take from you!
  6. I still haven’t decided a major in college, but I have always loved to write! Taking up blogging has made me realize just how much I enjoy when others read my writing! Maybe a Journalism or English degree is in my future?
  7. I want to travel! I’ve been to nineteen states including Illinois (home state), Missouri, Iowa, Wisconsin, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, Indiana, Ohio, Tennessee, Mississippi, Kentucky, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Georgia, Maryland, Delaware, New Jersey, and Virginia. I’ve never been out of the United States.


I nominate:

My Recovery So Far

eating brownies

The Crimson Lifeline

Inmate Blogger

My Journey through Alcoholism and life.

Something Profound

Ink Spatters Brought to Life…


I Went Away

It’s been one month since I last published a blog.

A lot has happened in one month.

In the last two weeks alone, I’ve been aware of the changes happening in my life. Not only changes in the world around me, but I can tell that I’m changing, too. Everything around me seems to be much more relaxed and more free. Goes to prove that life is all about perception. I needed some time to myself to gain a better understanding of who I am and the things and people that make me the happiest.

In just one month, I think I have accomplished a lot.

The accomplishments that I’m talking about aren’t goals that I can necessarily put on paper, but that doesn’t mean that they are any less important than any short or long term goals that I have. These accomplishments are:

  1. As I had mentioned in my previous excerpt, Thoughts of a Lost Girl, a month ago I was at a pretty low point in a pretty long and serious relationship. It had me at a complete loss and I just didn’t know what the next day was going to bring. Just one day after I published that blog, I decided to put myself first and leave the situation entirely. For the first time in my life, I chose to do something with ONLY myself in mind. It hurt, and it was the hardest thing that I ever had to do, but looking back now, I only see it as something that took a great deal of bravery, strength, and hope. I say this because I can admit to anyone that I become very attached when in a serious relationship. To put a label on that whole situation, I’d have to say that I accomplished self-love. It’s hard to walk away from something you’ve been committed to for a long time, and the only way to do so is to admit that you deserve better and you won’t settle for less than what you deserve.
  2. Two days later, I spontaneously bought an Amtrak ticket to Chicago for the following night. Not only am I NOT a spontaneous person (my anxiety gets in the way), but I also had never gone on a trip completely alone. I had a few friends that lived in Chicago that offered to take me in and show me the city, free of charge. How could I refuse a chance to get away and get my mind off of everything that was going on? So I went. I promise I’ll share the details of that trip in a different post. I took plenty of pictures and notes so that I could share with all of you exactly what I was up to and the cool things I got to see. To say the least, the trip was a perfect “mini vacation” and it was just what I needed to get me happy again. I jumped out of my comfort zone and traveled alone to a city that I didn’t know. I accomplished confidence and courage.
  3. While in Chicago, I got a notification on my phone that someone had commented on one of my blogs. I checked it out to find that it was my ex. Since I had started this whole “blogging” journey, I had begged and begged for him to read my writings, because they meant a great deal to me. He always had said he never had time. So here I was gorging on some Chicago style pizza while the love of my life was back home FINALLY reading my writing! From that moment until the end of my trip, we talked off and on. When I got home, we met back up and talked about everything; what worked, what doesn’t work, and how to get our relationship healthy again. I forgave him, we moved on, and are happier now than we have been in a long time. Dylan taught me what it means to fight for MY happiness, while also recognizing that he, too, is a big source of happiness in my life. When in a relationship, we have to realize when it’s better (and healthier) to leave for good, and when it’s OKAY to test the boundaries to see if there is something worth saving. After all, why throw something away when there is still something there worth rescuing?