I Went Away

It’s been one month since I last published a blog.

A lot has happened in one month.

In the last two weeks alone, I’ve been aware of the changes happening in my life. Not only changes in the world around me, but I can tell that I’m changing, too. Everything around me seems to be much more relaxed and more free. Goes to prove that life is all about perception. I needed some time to myself to gain a better understanding of who I am and the things and people that make me the happiest.

In just one month, I think I have accomplished a lot.

The accomplishments that I’m talking about aren’t goals that I can necessarily put on paper, but that doesn’t mean that they are any less important than any short or long term goals that I have. These accomplishments are:

1. As I had mentioned in my previous excerpt, Thoughts of a Lost Girl, a month ago I was at a pretty low point in a pretty long and serious relationship. It had me at a complete loss and I just didn’t know what the next day was going to bring. Just one day after I published that blog, I decided to put myself first and leave the situation entirely. For the first time in my life, I chose to do something with ONLY myself in mind. It hurt, and it was the hardest thing that I ever had to do, but looking back now, I only see it as something that took a great deal of bravery, strength, and hope. I say this because I can admit to anyone that I become very attached when in a serious relationship. To put a label on that whole situation, I’d have to say that I accomplished self-love. It’s hard to walk away from something you’ve been committed to for a long time, and the only way to do so is to admit that you deserve better and you won’t settle for less than what you deserve.
2. Two days later, I spontaneously bought an Amtrak ticket to Chicago for the following night. Not only am I NOT a spontaneous person (my anxiety gets in the way), but I also had never gone on a trip completely alone. I had a few friends that lived in Chicago that offered to take me in and show me the city, free of charge. How could I refuse a chance to get away and get my mind off of everything that was going on? So I went. I promise I’ll share the details of that trip in a different post. I took plenty of pictures and notes so that I could share with all of you exactly what I was up to and the cool things I got to see. To say the least, the trip was a perfect “mini vacation” and it was just what I needed to get me happy again. I jumped out of my comfort zone and traveled alone to a city that I didn’t know. I accomplished confidence and courage.
3. While in Chicago, I got a notification on my phone that someone had commented on one of my blogs. I checked it out to find that it was my ex. Since I had started this whole “blogging” journey, I had begged and begged for him to read my writings, because they meant a great deal to me. He always had said he never had time. So here I was gorging on some Chicago style pizza while the love of my life was back home FINALLY reading my writing! From that moment until the end of my trip, we talked off and on. When I got home, we met back up and talked about everything; what worked, what doesn’t work, and how to get our relationship healthy again. I forgave him, we moved on, and are happier now than we have been in a long time. Dylan taught me what it means to fight for MY happiness, while also recognizing that he, too, is a big source of happiness in my life. When in a relationship, we have to realize when it’s better (and healthier) to leave for good, and when it’s OKAY to test the boundaries to see if there is something worth saving. After all, why throw something away when there is still something there worth rescuing?