She Was Supposed to be Their Grandma…

When I was younger, I imagined my life much differently. And I’m not saying my life is bad now, it’s just… harder. 

No matter how many times adults tell you to appreciate being young and that “adulting” is hard, you’re still not quite ready for the reality of life once you’re out on your own.

There’s one thing that I specifically remember thinking about when I was younger. My future family. Young girls love playing house with make-believe husbands and children, and most toddlers can be seen holding a baby doll around the house. I was no different. I imagined having a family surrounding me and my kids.

But now that I am actually starting a family, things are just a bit different than I imagined…

First things first, as a child you never really know how expensive it is for your parents to take care of you. I’m a lot more poor than I thought I would be when the time to start a family came. Now here I am wondering how the hell anyone can afford children!!

Second, I feel a lot more alone than I thought I would.

Growing up I always dreamed about the day I could surprise my parents with the news of them becoming grandparents. Becoming a grandparent is exciting to parents!

But with the history of my mom and I’s relationship, the story is a little different. I told her and she was excited… cool. But she failed to mention that she got caught with meth again and is now facing 20 years. There goes any hopes of her meeting or getting to know my children. I thought the news of her future grandchildren would be enough to keep her motivated to stay off the drugs and out of the streets.

I guess I thought wrong.

There’s been no one out there that’s given her more chances or believed she would change than me. Now my time has been wasted and my dreams crushed.

In the light of so much excitement, there is so much heartbreak.

She was supposed to be their Grandma…

 

 

 

4 thoughts on “She Was Supposed to be Their Grandma…

  1. That’s really tough. I can kind of relate because growing up, I had so much faith that being close to my dad would eventually make him want to be sober and a better father and husband. I’m going to be 33 in a couple months and he is still not sober and I haven’t seen or talked to him in almost 3 years. People have no idea how true it is that a person has to want to change for themselves. Nothing can make them change if they’re not ready.

    I’m truly sorry you’re going through this. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have struggled with it my whole life. I give up hope, then try again, and it always ends in heartbreak. Yet, I can’t seem to ever completely cut her out simply because she’s my mom… but I know she’s an addict and nothing will change if she doesn’t do it herself. It’s not on me.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s