Whew. What a title!
But I didn’t know what else to call this, and it totally fits the mood.
It seems like all this week I’ve gotten home from work, settled in, and somehow, for one reason or another, ended up in tears. Now I’m sure a lot of it is just those crazy pregnancy hormones, but a lot of the things I get upset over seem like pretty valid worries! Of course I have the common stresses like money and childbirth, but there are so many more things I have going on in my head.
The biggest one for me right now is my family.
Ugh, that sounds terrible, but let me explain. From one standpoint, I think it’s pretty great that I can say my family is stressing me the f*ck out!
I grew up in a family of nine. My aunt, uncle, their five kids, my sister and I. Out of us seven kids, there were six girls. So when it came to my baby shower, I asked my aunt if all of my sisters would take part in planning it. I had no part in any planning or decorating. (Let me just say… They killed it!) Now that I can look back on the shower, I feel way more confident, but before the shower… My goodness. My family was stressing me out!! I couldn’t get much information out of them about anything going on with the shower. It was decided that it was all going to be a surprise. The micro-manager in me was going NUTS. In the end, everything was fine and everyone did a great job. In hindsight, I can look back and laugh at how stressed out I was about it all.
Another thing. Dylan’s side of the family hasn’t had a grandbaby yet. So everyone on his side of the family is just so dang overwhelming. I’m not a peppy person; therefore, being bombarded with happy-go lucky introductions and people trying to touch my belly absolutely drives me absolutely insane. It worries me that I don’t love being pregnant as much as the women I had always seen portrayed.
I get scared that I’m not going to feel the connection with her after she’s here. I feel like the way I feel about being pregnant and becoming a mom isn’t the way women usually feel, which makes me feel like I’m already doing something wrong.
Maybe all the jitters will go away the second I hold her, but until then…
I am filled with worry and wonder.
I am going to be a mom for the very first time.