I would like to consider myself an expert when it comes to experience as a victim of addiction. Not that I am the addict, but I am the victim of guilt, anger, embarrassment, and shame. All of these feelings I have experienced solely because of the addiction of someone else. I don’t always think that’s fair, but it is the way it is.
I have had amazing, soul-freeing days. Days where I flourished in love and joy. But I’ve also had dark, sinister days where I didn’t care if the sun ever rose again. And I am proud to say that the good days have always outweighed the bad.
Even though my life isn’t the way I want it to be sometimes.
Even though there is a gaping hole where the presence of my mother should be.
Even though I have so much anger and sorrow.
There is still so much to be thankful for.
My mom missed out on every prom I ever went to. Every basketball game I ever played. Every boy I ever cried over. And every tribulation I faced through pregnancy. Those are things that she will never get back, and that is a pain that she and I will have to bear for the rest of our lives.
But I’ll tell you what… I did have people there.
Even though my mom wasn’t in the bleachers at every basketball game, I had family and friends that were. Even though my mom didn’t help me unpack the car when I moved into my dorm room when I first went off to college, the man that raised me did. Even though my mom wasn’t there for nearly every single significant moment in my life, I had people there.
I was never alone, and I always felt supported and loved. So even through addiction, there is still so much to be thankful for.