You are not your parent’s mistakes

You are not your parent’s mistakes. You are not responsible to carry their burden.

I have always struggled with this. Living in a small town community, nearly everyone knows your business, baggage and all. The thing about me, though, was that I was so very different that most of the other kids in my high school. When I say that I was from a small town, what I mean is that I graduated from high school with a class of 54. There were only two students in the entire high school that identified as something other than white. When I say there was no diversity, I mean NONE. Zilch.

So to feel like the outsider when most everyone was all so alike, was like carrying a bowling ball in my backpack hoping no one would notice.

I was ashamed of my mom. She was using meth and was in and out of prisons all throughout the state. And I felt like it was written all over my forehead, as if someone could see her mistakes when they looked at me. I felt nervous if someone looked at me for more than a few seconds.

They probably know that I’m the kid of a drug addict.

So my confidence went on the decline. I didn’t give people the benefit of the doubt – I just assumed that everyone could tell what I came from. I thought my mom’s choices defined me, and that held me down for a very long time.

I grew up, moved on, and came to understand that the person she became was not going to be the person that I would become. I wanted different, and I was in the position to do so. My aunt and uncle took me in, taught me right from wrong, supported me, and loved me as their own. All I had to do was believe in myself as much as they believed in me.

It’s hard to distance yourself from something that feels like a part of you. I will always feel the void where my mom doesn’t exist. I will always feel a tingle of embarrassment when someone tells me that they know who my mom is. I came from her. I exist because of her. 

And to decide that those things don’t matter is very hard to do.

I am not my mom’s lapse in judgement. I do not have to carry the weight of her misguidance on my shoulders. I am not her.

I am strong-willed and brave. I have a brilliant mind. I am a force to be reckoned with. I am happiness and power, rolled up as one.  I am nature. I am beautiful. I am hard-working and resilient. I am me.

There is so much that am, and it has nothing to do with my mother.

You

Are

Not 

Your

Parent’s

Mistakes.

10 thoughts on “You are not your parent’s mistakes

  1. Wow… This is an incredibly powerful post. I absolutely love it. Thank you so much for sharing something so personal ❤ would you mind if I reblog this on my blog? It really hit home with me and I’d love to share it with others. 😊

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Well written.

    This also resonated with me. I’ve had a terrible relationship with my father and sometimes a strained relationship with other family members, wishing they would have been different. Feeling jipped by life at times.

    It takes time to come to terms with 😊. Inspirational.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Reblogged this on Dollfaced Writer and commented:
    This post touched my heart so deeply. If you are like me and have a parent who has an addiction, please read this. You are not alone and you, like Chrisadella says, are not your parent’s mistakes. Thank you so much, Chrisadella, for sharing something so personal and relatable. I think your words could bring a lot of comfort to those who have suffered in similar ways. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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