My Empty Satisfaction

Sometimes I sit here and think and think and think about what to write about. It often seems like the times I get filled with inspiration and motivation to write is when I don’t have my laptop near or the time to get it put together on paper. I’ll be driving down the road and an idea will hit me and I tell myself ‘Don’t forget this idea… it’s GOLD’ and when I get home I realize that I can’t even remember the topic I was even thinking about.

Motherhood is a full-time job and on top of the full-time job that I have outside of that, I feel like I don’t have time to pursue the hobbies that I most enjoy, like writing. I wouldn’t trade motherhood for the world, but it means that I have to put the less important activities on the back burner. I still dream of having thousands of people read the words that I write, but for now that dream seems so far away and so unobtainable.

But what do I do?

I’m stuck in the middle of providing for my amazing daughter, keeping my relationship full of spontaneous adventures, maintaining success within my career, and trying to keep my own sanity. I truly do love the life that I’ve built, but sometimes I sit in a dark room drooling over the idea of a life where I am able to focus only on myself. I don’t know if that makes me selfish, but it’s something I’ve come to admit to myself within the depths of my consciousness.

I want to read more books. I want to write more words. I want to express my love for language and knowledge with more people, but I just don’t know how at this time in my life.

Is it possible to feel so incredibly happy and proud of the life I have, but also still fill a gaping hole of everything that I haven’t yet accomplished?

Will there ever be a time where everything I aspire to be comes together?

I am so full of satisfaction, but also still so empty.

2 thoughts on “My Empty Satisfaction

  1. The desire you hold is just the beginning. Practical advice, voice dictate into your voice memo app when an idea strikes. Other than that, after reading this, I have total faith you will figure out a way.

    Liked by 1 person

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