Life with a BIG heart

I am just two days away from being reunited with my family. It’s so exciting, but it also means that tempers have been building up for the last month and a half. Dylan has been doing practically everything on his own and I’ve been going mad locked up in this hotel and away from my family for the longest period of time I ever have. So naturally, Dyl and I got into a spat tonight.

I ordered him a pair of water shoes for Father’s Day and they arrived today. Dylan got home from work and tried them on and they were like a half size too big. No big deal. So I tell him all he has to do is take them to a UPS store and they will mail them back for free. I obviously wasn’t trying to start a fight or make him upset, but he replied asking me when he had the time to do that. So then we go back and forth with him saying I don’t know what it’s like to be with her all alone and he doesn’t have time to take the shoes back and that I don’t understand all that he has been doing. I’ll give it to him… I don’t understand completely because I’m not there, but I tried explaining to him that all of the errands and tasks that he’s been doing while I’ve been away were all of the things that I was doing while I was home. Let’s just say the conversation ended when I just chose not to respond back to his blunt text message.

I am no good when it comes to arguing. Our argument has been eating me up since it happened and I try to be the bigger person, but I’m never sure if that means that I just don’t reply, or if it means that I should agree with the other person even if I don’t think that they are totally correct. So I toss it back and forth in my head and I try to see both sides of the issue, but trying to do the more “grown up” thing is hard because there is no rule book on how to deal with arguments between you and your SO. So here I am, the girl with the huge heart, kicking myself and worrying all night long about something so minuscule. I don’t ever know if feeling everything so deeply is a blessing or a curse because times like these I wish my heart didn’t physically hurt. I’m the kind of person that hates when people are mad at me. I cannot wait for an apology, even when I deserve one, if I know that someone has foul thoughts towards me. So a lot of the time I play the role of the adult, just so that my heart is at ease.

Oh, how I wish I could be more like those girls on TV… You know, the girls that are so independent and don’t give a damn what someone else thinks… Yeah, that’s not me. At all.

So I’m sure he’s putting Della down to bed right now and when he cools down, he will text me our habitual “Goodnight, I love you” text. But for now, I’m sitting here with an ache in my chest hoping that everything is going to be okay. Counting the minutes until Wednesday arrives…

Goodnight, friends

xoxo