EOD Thoughts: 01.19.2022

I’ve had to take 6 of the last 8 work days off because of lack of daycare 😩

Needless to say, this much time with my littles has me losing my head…

I love them so (mainly my 3 year old has me losing my temper), but sometimes I just want to escape motherhood. I could really use a break. But babysitter and her family has covid and my backup sitter has covid, so I had no choice but to burn all my sick time and some PTO time up. It sucks, but I guess that’s reality when your workplace offers to relief to parents regarding the society we live in.

I’m so sick of covid. I’m so sick of feeling so alone in parenthood. I’m just so tired of feeling stuck.

This too, shall pass. But ughhhh, I’m hoping sooner rather than later !

Tonight’s Reflection Quote:

Enough is enough.

Today I want to touch on a topic that I have not yet written about on Between the Lens.

And unfortunately, a sad series of events has tugged on my heart enough to compel me to write this to all of you.

In May of 2021, a young woman attended a graduation party, where she drank alcohol and swam in a pool in her underwear before passing out. She woke to a pillow being pushed in her face while being sexually assaulted. You can read more of the details here.

This case is from my hometown, so this hits very close to home.

On January 3rd, Judge Robert Adrian reversed his previous guilty verdict and gave the following statements in open court:

“Mr. Clinton has served almost five months in the county jail, 148 days. For what happened in this case, that is plenty of punishment.”

Let us note that the defendant in this case openly admitted to intercourse, claiming that he had consent. At the time of the incident, he was 18 and his victim was 16. By Illinois law, the legal age of consent is 17. So what I don’t understand is how this is statutory rape at minimum!

Judge Adrian went on,

“By law, the court is supposed to sentence this young man to the Department of Corrections. This Court will not do that. That is not just. There is no way for what happened in this case that this teenager should go to the Department of Corrections. I will not do that.”

“The court is going to reconsider its verdict, is going to find the Defendant not guilty on Count 3. And, therefore, the case — the Defendant will be released from custody.”

I also wanted to add that this young woman immediately went to her friends and told them what had happened, and the next morning they all went and reported it to her father who then called the police. This just backs up the fact that she was telling the truth. What young teenager would want to go through that just for attention?

But all of this is beside the fact.

People will bring up the fact that she was underage drinking.

They will bring up that she was swimming in a pool in her underwear.

Your outfit does not determine your consent.

Period.

So this case is infuriating, disgusting, and an abuse of power. It’s gaining national coverage for good reason. People are outraged.

As they should be.

Verdicts like this silence survivors of sexual assault. This is detrimental in giving victims their voice and power over their abusers.

I want to encourage all people, men and women, to have the courage to speak your truth. And even if you never gain that courage, you still matter and you need no validation. Do what is best for you and your healing. My heart goes out to all that have ever been in this situation. May you get the closure you need. We are loud in instances like this because ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

The judge may not have held him accountable, but the public is. And I love to see it.

I’m curious as to what you all think. Drop a comment & let’s discuss.

………………………………………………………………………………..

Read more about this story here:

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/judge-robert-adrian-drew-clinton-sexual-assualt-conviction-reverse/

https://nypost.com/2022/01/13/illinois-judge-robert-adrian-slammed-for-reversing-teen-drew-clintons-rape-conviction/

Read more about Judge Robert Adrian:

https://www.newsweek.com/judge-kicks-prosecutor-out-court-liking-facebook-comment-critical-him-1668868

Sign the petition to file charges against Judge Adrian for abuse of judicial discretion here:

https://www.change.org/p/illinois-courts-commission-file-charges-against-judge-adrian-for-abuse-of-judicial-discretion-and-power

#JusticeforCammy

The Silence

I’m sitting at my desk with a moment of peace

For how long it lasts, who knows

My infant rests quietly in his swing

His soft, infrequent whimpers remind me he’s still there

My daughter, sprawled out on our bed;

with her beautiful blonde curls surrounding her

She sleeps so sweetly you’d never guess

the power and strength she possesses when she wakes

It’s quiet now;

but it won’t be for long.

It’s funny how much you miss the quiet when they’re awake

and how much you miss the noise once they’re asleep

It doesn’t always take a village…

When raising kids, you often hear the punchline “It takes a village;” referring to the idea of having a community of people around you to help raise your kids.

To me, this idiom always makes me feel empty.

I don’t have a village. I don’t know what that overwhelming comfort of support and reliance feels like.

I don’t have people blowing up my phone asking to take the kids off of my hands. I don’t have a backup babysitter, let alone girlfriends to go out and let loose with.

I don’t have close family to hang out with on Sundays; and I am not best friends with my mom, as a lot of people my age are.

It always makes me wonder where I went wrong, or what I did to deserve to feel this lonesome. Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s an unwritten part of motherhood. Either way, it has a way of trapping you and making you feel like you just can’t ever win.

I don’t have a village, but I’m still standing. I’m still doing what I can to get along.

I don’t have a village, but I’m still killin’ this sh*t. I’m here for my children. They are loved. They are provided for.

So no, it doesn’t take a village.

But it sure would be nice to have one.

Welcome, 2022

What do you have in store for us? For some reason, I’m very anxious to know.

2022. The year of our long-awaited wedding. 272 days until we say “I do.”

Our daughter turns 3 on Wednesday.

Who knows what the next 363 days will bring. I’m anxious and excited but also feeling cautious. Life seems so fragile and fast these days. I worry for our country and I worry about my family getting by. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared.

But I remain optimistic because life is 90% about your attitude after life happens.

I have a few resolutions I’ve started for this year:

Drink more water. I have cut out most extra calories in drinks so far, but I still need to improve the amount of water I drink everyday.

Get healthier. Day two – haven’t missed a workout yet! Planning on getting a nighttime yoga session in before bed. I find great joy in exercise and it does wonders for my mental health. I feel most confident after a good workout. I understand rest is important, so this goal doesn’t relate to “working out every day.” I will work my body as hard as I can, within toleration. A healthier lifestyle also includes eating healthier, controlling my portions, and limiting unhealthy snacking. A lot of this will require mental toughness and discipline, because I sometimes have an unhealthy relationship with food. I want to eat more fresh vegetables and fruits.

Let’s all hold one another accountable on these goals. Plus, I’ve got a wedding dress to fit into! 😉

I hope we all have the best year yet!