I’ve had to take 6 of the last 8 work days off because of lack of daycare 😩
Needless to say, this much time with my littles has me losing my head…
I love them so (mainly my 3 year old has me losing my temper), but sometimes I just want to escape motherhood. I could really use a break. But babysitter and her family has covid and my backup sitter has covid, so I had no choice but to burn all my sick time and some PTO time up. It sucks, but I guess that’s reality when your workplace offers to relief to parents regarding the society we live in.
I’m so sick of covid. I’m so sick of feeling so alone in parenthood. I’m just so tired of feeling stuck.
This too, shall pass. But ughhhh, I’m hoping sooner rather than later !
This has been the longest and most boring July of my life. Of course our luck would result in us moving during the hottest week of the entire summer.
I’m so tired I swear I could sleep for a week straight.
I’ve lost the drive to even be on my phone. As in- I will not respond to mostly everything for days. Situations vary, but I’ve just been feeling so antisocial. I feel like I get like this in spurts, and often times randomly. Maintaining good mental health is hard and sometimes life is so overwhelming I feel like I just need to stick in my own little bubble sometimes.
So I’ve been deep in my head and in thought.
My body hurts. Everywhere. Specifically my back and hips, and my FEET. Swollen ankles galore. And I swear I’ve been a sweaty working mess for a week straight.
But we’re finally moved. We still have tons to do, but none of it requires me to be in 90° heat – YAY!
We’ve put some pieces of the home together, and I’m already in love with what we have done.
Someday I’ll enjoy this home while I’m not so exhausted physically, emotionally, and mentally.
I reflect a lot. I write about my reflection and devotion to that on here often.
But one thing I’ve noticed about the last year:
It’s changed my methodology around reflection.
I used to rely a lot on the feedback I received from others. I naturally surround myself with honest people that will tell me when I’m not acting myself or when I’m wrong. I like that. I try to take that advice seriously.
That was a life we knew before the pandemic forever changed the workplace and how we conduce relationships with others.
I work from home three days a week and on the two days I’m actually in the office, there is hardly much conversation. No interaction other than Zoom for the most part.
So now I’ve got to try to internalize a true perception of myself while also taking account of how I make look on someone else’s screen.
Did I mention, with no feedback for reference?
Business in this manner makes me feel like I’m only going through the motions and don’t have much control over my own career.
So I think both personally and professionally, I need to really sit down with myself and think about how others may feel when we interact. I know I can do better at home; I’ve let a few too many curse words slip now that we’ve got a talking and brilliant toddler. And I can always do better at listening to understand Dylan, rather than thinking of my response to what he’s saying. We’re pretty upfront about everything when needed.
Anywhooo, the overall gist is that self-reflection is hard, especially after feeling the effects of a global pandemic. So don’t put too much pressure on yourself when thinking about how much better you could be, but rather consider how many things you are ROCKIN. Cut yourself some slack – EVERYONE is under their own form of stress right now. We’re all trying to adjust to something new. We’ll make it through it.
I’m working harder at not worrying about things until I need to. I’ve always been bad about gnawing on every scenario possible when I know something is coming up.
What will they say?
How would I respond?
What would happen?
I’m only digging myself deeper into a hold of anxiety and uneasiness. I try to remind myself that 99% of the things that I worry about never even happen anyway. So what’s the point of stewing? Life is too short to waste energy by being worried about fantasy scenarios.
I’ll worry when I need to, but until then, I’m just chillin’.
But it’s okay because I’m currently snuggled up with my daughter watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. I always loved Goofy growing up.
Sometimes I’m exhausted and wanting to be left alone, but once I take a breath and think about the bigger picture, I’m back on my mom A-game. We all have those days- hell, maybe even weeks! Being a human is hard and no one truly has it figured out.
But life is good and I’m embracing my time on this earth. I’ve been trying to live my life without worrying about the things that I don’t yet need to worry about.
It’s been a minute since I did one of my end-of-day reflections. There’s no time like the present.
I was previously working on another post, but it was getting too deep and required too much thought for this late at night. So I clicked SAVE DRAFT on that baby and came to write something a bit lighter.
Let’s just do a quick tally of some of the things I learned this week:
My cat will hangout with me while I work from home if I close my bedroom door so she’s forced to be in the same room as me (She hates it when I do this; she’ll sleep on my bed all day long if I leave the door open).
Scentsy products don’t actually keep their scent for that long.
I feel less confident when I feel like I’m being overlooked. I see myself through a lens of high expectation, so I want to feel appreciated, listened to, and capable. I tend to shut down when I feel like my worth is being reduced, because I see myself as an amazing employee.
Kids grow up QUICK, man. My daughter is 2 going on 16. The amount of attitude that a 2 year old is capable of flaunting would make your head spin. She brings the heat sometimes.
Sometimes you’ve got to set one goal really high and take it really slow. Success is not measured by how fast you get there, just as long as you get there.
Being pregnant with your first child is much easier. Chasing a toddler while pregnant with the second is a lot harder!
Between the Lens 