EOD Thoughts: 02.14.2023

Happy Valentine’s Day, loves!

Dylan sent me flowers to the office yesterday and that was unexpected & delightful! He got me a bouquet of a half dozen roses, which were beautiful! He told me that a dozen of roses was going to cost NINETY FIVE DOLLARS, so he only did the half. Since when does a dozen of roses cost $95?! I was shocked!!

So in conclusion, if you didn’t get roses this Valentine’s Day don’t feel too bad – they are expensive as ever! $100 on flowers seems ridiculous to me anyway.

Feeling very thankful for the man I have built a life with. He is gentle and loving with our children and works hard for our family. He is my best best friend and I am not sure how I’d get through some days without his words of encouragement or embraces. I hope everyone finds a home in the arms of a loved one like I have in Dylan’s.

Today my post is all about our LOVE. He’s currently at work while I lay in bed and wish he were here.

I wanted to share some photos of us from the duration of our 6.5 year relationship ❤️ Happy Valentine’s Day to all!

EOD Thoughts: 01.24.2023

I find it crazy that we are already a week away from February. I think life goes by faster the older I get. That concept frightens me sometimes.

I don’t have a lot to say tonight. It’s not even 9 o’clock yet and I’m in bed. I’ve noticed that my productivity levels are up and down here lately. Some nights I find myself cleaning the entire house after I put the kids to bed, and others I am in bed before my daughter (we give her free reign to put herself to sleep as long as she is quiet in her room, this works remarkably well for our family).

The kids are seemingly better better this week. The coughs are slowly waning. I’m exhausted and in need of adult conversation that occurs outside of work. Is it embarrassing that I don’t remember the last conversation I had outside of work, or that wasn’t in passing with the cashier at the gas station?

I wonder if I will ever feel like more than a working mom. Wake up to screaming kid, get both kids up and ready, drop off kids, go to work, pick up kids, go home, cook and feed kids, bathe kids, put kids to bed. Repeat.

That’s all.

An endless cycle of monotony with no exciting plans for the future. Maybe someday I’ll have more to write about other than my sadness and exhaustion.

Perhaps not!

Tonight’s Reflection Quote:

EOD Thoughts: 01.19.2023

Moms should get extra sick time to use for their children.

I have a good job that offers great benefits. Jan 1 I was given 40 hours sick time for the year.

After today, and only 19 days into the year, I will only have 3 days left for the rest of 2023.

I have spent exactly zero hours burning my sick time on actually being sick myself. Last year I burned all of my PTO and sick time on lack of daycare or ill kids.

So when I fall sick later this year I’ll end up resorting to burning my vacation time instead of using it to spend with my family. It’s a cycle that I just have to accept, I guess. Although an actual vacation sounds pretty nice.

I wish working families better benefited from the work they put in. Of course I’d love to spend more time with the people that matter more than any job, but unfortunately society requires income and raising good humans doesn’t pay the bills.

EOD Thoughts: 01.18.2023

Sickness has been running through our home off and on for the last two weeks. Seems like the Mom is never the one that gets to rest when illness runs it’s course.

The kiddos aren’t sleeping, battling fevers, but no puking so far (fingers crossed).

I am exhausted- still trying to work when I can while toggling sick children and a husband, I finished up my intermission college course and started a new semester, and if I have to change one more bedsheet I think I might faint… all on less than desirable rest. I have now forgotten the last time I slept through the night without being wakened by the needs of a crying, snotty-nosed child.

But I’m holding strong. Like all mamas do.

I will continue to wipe the noses, hold them in my arms, and look for the light of a new day.

EOD Thoughts: 06.19.2022

Perhaps today isn’t the day to write what I feel

Maybe I should give a shout-out to the men in my life that are wonderful fathers

Or acknowledge the importance of the celebration of Juneteenth

But instead

Tonight I feel sad and that’s all I want to put on this page

Tomorrow will bring a new day

But I know that a new day will not result in a “parent” choosing to accept you

Or congratulate you, or hell- even wish you the best

Tonight I’m sad because I believe she very actively, possibly subconsciously (but doubtful), hopes that I fail

All while publicly loving and admiring a few of her other (favorite) children all over Facebook

Maybe it shouldn’t bother me

I guess it hurts knowing I’ll continue this world without a mother figure

She was supposed to be “the replacement”

She was supposed to fix me

But instead, she’s another woman that continues to break my heart and fails to love me the way a mother should

Or, I suppose, the way I believe a mother should love their daughter

I just imagine the future with my daughter…

And I know it involves tons of phone calls, adult cuddles and day dates, and one day… the involvement with her children should she ever have her own…

I don’t know what a relationship with a woman is regarding these important memories a mother and daughter should share

But then again… how would I know what mothers and daughters should do???

Tonight I’m sad, that’s all

EOD Thoughts: 01.19.2022

I’ve had to take 6 of the last 8 work days off because of lack of daycare 😩

Needless to say, this much time with my littles has me losing my head…

I love them so (mainly my 3 year old has me losing my temper), but sometimes I just want to escape motherhood. I could really use a break. But babysitter and her family has covid and my backup sitter has covid, so I had no choice but to burn all my sick time and some PTO time up. It sucks, but I guess that’s reality when your workplace offers to relief to parents regarding the society we live in.

I’m so sick of covid. I’m so sick of feeling so alone in parenthood. I’m just so tired of feeling stuck.

This too, shall pass. But ughhhh, I’m hoping sooner rather than later !

Tonight’s Reflection Quote: