This has been the longest and most boring July of my life. Of course our luck would result in us moving during the hottest week of the entire summer.
I’m so tired I swear I could sleep for a week straight.
I’ve lost the drive to even be on my phone. As in- I will not respond to mostly everything for days. Situations vary, but I’ve just been feeling so antisocial. I feel like I get like this in spurts, and often times randomly. Maintaining good mental health is hard and sometimes life is so overwhelming I feel like I just need to stick in my own little bubble sometimes.
So I’ve been deep in my head and in thought.
My body hurts. Everywhere. Specifically my back and hips, and my FEET. Swollen ankles galore. And I swear I’ve been a sweaty working mess for a week straight.
But we’re finally moved. We still have tons to do, but none of it requires me to be in 90° heat – YAY!
We’ve put some pieces of the home together, and I’m already in love with what we have done.
Someday I’ll enjoy this home while I’m not so exhausted physically, emotionally, and mentally.
I reflect a lot. I write about my reflection and devotion to that on here often.
But one thing I’ve noticed about the last year:
It’s changed my methodology around reflection.
I used to rely a lot on the feedback I received from others. I naturally surround myself with honest people that will tell me when I’m not acting myself or when I’m wrong. I like that. I try to take that advice seriously.
That was a life we knew before the pandemic forever changed the workplace and how we conduce relationships with others.
I work from home three days a week and on the two days I’m actually in the office, there is hardly much conversation. No interaction other than Zoom for the most part.
So now I’ve got to try to internalize a true perception of myself while also taking account of how I make look on someone else’s screen.
Did I mention, with no feedback for reference?
Business in this manner makes me feel like I’m only going through the motions and don’t have much control over my own career.
So I think both personally and professionally, I need to really sit down with myself and think about how others may feel when we interact. I know I can do better at home; I’ve let a few too many curse words slip now that we’ve got a talking and brilliant toddler. And I can always do better at listening to understand Dylan, rather than thinking of my response to what he’s saying. We’re pretty upfront about everything when needed.
Anywhooo, the overall gist is that self-reflection is hard, especially after feeling the effects of a global pandemic. So don’t put too much pressure on yourself when thinking about how much better you could be, but rather consider how many things you are ROCKIN. Cut yourself some slack – EVERYONE is under their own form of stress right now. We’re all trying to adjust to something new. We’ll make it through it.
But it’s okay because I’m currently snuggled up with my daughter watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. I always loved Goofy growing up.
Sometimes I’m exhausted and wanting to be left alone, but once I take a breath and think about the bigger picture, I’m back on my mom A-game. We all have those days- hell, maybe even weeks! Being a human is hard and no one truly has it figured out.
But life is good and I’m embracing my time on this earth. I’ve been trying to live my life without worrying about the things that I don’t yet need to worry about.
It’s been a minute since I did one of my end-of-day reflections. There’s no time like the present.
I was previously working on another post, but it was getting too deep and required too much thought for this late at night. So I clicked SAVE DRAFT on that baby and came to write something a bit lighter.
Let’s just do a quick tally of some of the things I learned this week:
My cat will hangout with me while I work from home if I close my bedroom door so she’s forced to be in the same room as me (She hates it when I do this; she’ll sleep on my bed all day long if I leave the door open).
Scentsy products don’t actually keep their scent for that long.
I feel less confident when I feel like I’m being overlooked. I see myself through a lens of high expectation, so I want to feel appreciated, listened to, and capable. I tend to shut down when I feel like my worth is being reduced, because I see myself as an amazing employee.
Kids grow up QUICK, man. My daughter is 2 going on 16. The amount of attitude that a 2 year old is capable of flaunting would make your head spin. She brings the heat sometimes.
Sometimes you’ve got to set one goal really high and take it really slow. Success is not measured by how fast you get there, just as long as you get there.
Being pregnant with your first child is much easier. Chasing a toddler while pregnant with the second is a lot harder!
These two-day weekends just aren’t cutting it. Time goes by too fast.
We didn’t do a whole lot today, but that is just the glory of Sundays. We played around the house in the morning and by 10 o’clock we headed outside to get some air before the rain came. The day turned out to be nicer than I had anticipated, which was a sweet surprise. At about eleven, I decided that burgers on the grill would really hit the spot. So I ran to town to grab some lettuce, a tomato, an onion, and some potato salad. Dylan grilled the burgers and we had an incredible lunch. We ate so much, we didn’t really eat too much the rest of the day.
The rain was supposed to come around 4, so we soaked up as much time outside as we could. When we came back in, it was naptime for Della… Dylan and I couldn’t resist either, so we all ended up taking about a two hour nap. When we all woke, we spent the evening not doing a whole lot at home.
It’s days like these that make me so thankful for the family that I have. We have moments where we’re all playing together and chasing each other around the house, and then there are other moments where Della is playing alone and contently with her toys, and Dylan and I are both off doing our own things as well. We mesh so well in our home to where we really do get the best of both worlds. I wouldn’t trade our lazy day Sundays for anything.
Della was sitting in my lap earlier today and I was thinking about how much I’m going to miss this someday. Someday she will be too big to fit on my lap, and our lazy day Sundays will change to days spent at home wondering if our teenage daughter is okay while she runs around with her friends. We won’t always be blessed with a full house, so I’m consciously trying to enjoy what I’ve got while I’ve got it.