June Blogging Challenge: Day 18

Day 18 already, folks!

Something you’re embarrassed to love

Haha! I have to admit that I am absolutely obsessed with the TV show Grey’s Anatomy. I have watched the series seven times, and I am now working on watching it for the eighth time!!

Just for fun… here are some of my thoughts on the show, for those of you that have seen it. (**Please be aware that there may be spoilers in this post!**)

I feel that Grey’s Anatomy is so popular because of its stance on important real-life issues like racism, the LGBTQ community, women in the workplace, gun violence, the opioid epidemic, parenthood, domestic violence, marriage, rape, and the loss of a loved one. Nearly everyone that watches the show can relate with some character or issue that is portrayed, and that is not something that every show can do.

Favorite character(s): Who doesn’t love George O’Malley? I will be honest… his death hit me waaay harder than Derek Shepherd’s. George was a kind soul, someone that was motivated out of good morals in nearly every decision he made. He was caring and loving and just plain… good. Another character I really respect is Richard Webber. I know in early season, I didn’t like the way he handed his relationship with Meredith, but overall, I see Webber as a wise leader. Someone I hope they never take off the show. Honorable Mention: Lexie Grey, Teddy Altman, Cristina Yang, and Atticus Lincoln.

Least favorite character(s): April Keppner. Her character actually developed into a strong, determined woman; but at the beginning I absolutely could not stand her. I would contemplate fast-forwarding through the show. I just don’t like a suck-up, that’s all. I can also admit that I didn’t really care for Meredith in the beginning even though the show is practically about her. I feel like she always over-reacted when it came to her trauma. Yeah, she had some tough times, but the number of times she got all dramatic was so annoying to me. You’re gonna try to drown yourself in the bathtub? Really? They portray her as such a strong woman in the beginning, but she dramatically gave up so many times. Annoying! Honorable Mention: Amelia Shepherd and Owen Hunt.

Favorite episode(s): This is hard. I think it needs split up into categories. Most important episodes? The episode where Dr. Bailey saves the life of a white supremacist and the episode where Jo helps the victim of sexual assault. Most dramatic episodes?PLANE CRASH. One of my favorites for the simple fact that I love the way they end Sloan and Lexie, in such a traumatic, love-filled moment. So devastating, yet so beautiful. Also the episode where there is a shooter in the hospital.

I wanna hear from you, Grey’s fans!! 

What are your favorite episodes and most-liked characters? Let’s chat!

Sharing My Story & Creating a Following Along the Way

I woke up to a very cool WordPress notification on my phone!

I HIT 100 FOLLOWERS!

I have always loved writing. English classes were my favorite, I loved writing essays and doing research. I took Journalism classes in college. Even though I love writing so much, making it a career seems unfeasible due to the fact that I live in a rural area where making good money from writing would be next to impossible. So I decided to start this blog. I did not know anyone who blogged personally and I definitely didn’t know any popular bloggers… so trying this out was something I started with no idea how it worked or where it would lead. I just knew I wanted to share my story with others in hopes that my words would help someone else with similar experiences. Growing up with a drug-addicted mother and a father I didn’t even know the name of, I felt so alone. As I started talking more about what I experienced as a kid, I realized I had a unique talent of offering advice and sharing my perspective to those that were like me. I realized that I wasn’t alone. I realized that maybe I was the light of hope and understanding for someone else, like I had always wanted someone to be for me.

I am thankful that this site has allowed me to share my story with both friends and strangers. I have received so much encouragement and love from my readers, and that makes it all so meaningful. I knew from the moment that I could gather my own opinions on my situation that I wanted to share it with anyone and everyone, so that someone like me wouldn’t feel the loneliness and desperation that I felt on my very worst days. I hope this blog has brought hope and comfort to those that have struggled with similar circumstances. I hope this blog has shed light on the problem with drug addiction we face within our families, communities, and world.

Thank you for reading and thank you for your support. It means more to me than I could ever express in writing. đź–¤

Mental Health Awareness Month

I’ve never talked about mental health on my blog before, but I figured it’s a great topic to talk about, and since May is Mental Health Awareness Month, there’s no better time than now!

When I think about words that describe myself, I first think about words like happy, energetic, motivated, determined, etc. But the truth is, there are more times than I’d like to admit where I feel the exact opposite of those. There are days I want to pull the blankets over my head and sleep the day away. There are days where I feel sad, have no energy, no motivation, and no patience.

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. (46.6 million people) experience mental illness in a given year. Also, mood disorders, (including major depression, dysthymic disorder and bipolar disorder) are the third most common cause of hospitalization in the U.S. for both youth and adults 18–44 years old.

So if so many people are affected by a mental illness, why do I feel so alone when we realize that I may be suffering, too?

When I look back on my life, my darkest time was definitely throughout my junior high school years. I remember talking to the school counselor a lot during my 6th, 7th, and 8th grade years. It was the time in my life where I most struggled with the absence of my mom. I think it was when I first started to fully understand what had happened to me and began to realize that my life was much different that those of my classmates. I was angry a lot of the time. I grew up in a family of six siblings, and at this time I remember I would get in trouble a lot for hitting on them. I don’t consider myself a hostile person, but at that time I was looking for an outlet of my emotions that didn’t involve talking about or dealing with the severity of them. I resented my mom and the fact that she chose drugs over my sister and I, but my sister was years younger than I was and couldn’t fully understand what had happened. She was only 3 when DCFS took us from our mom. So I was dealing with all of those demons completely alone- even the person that I went through this with couldn’t help me.

It was my eighth grade year when I hit rock bottom. I had a bedroom in our basement, and my bed was one of those bunk beds that had a desk under it instead of a second mattress. I was sitting at that desk listening to some of Eminem’s darkest songs and thinking about how much I hated what I was going through. I got up and searches the medicine cabinet for any and all pills I could find.

I went back to my desk, laid the pills out, and started writing goodbye letters to my loved ones. Before I got through the last letter, I was bawling and starting to realize that this wasn’t something I could go through with. I imagined what my family would be like as they read these letters, and I realized I loved them WAY too much to put them through something like that.

I went to school the next day. During PE hour, I gave my best friend the letter I had wrote her the night before and explained to her what I was feeling. We cried together in the locker room and she took me to go get help from a teacher.

I’ll never forget that moment.

We grew apart in the following years, but I have treasured that moment of love and understanding for all of these years. She was the one that picked me up without judgement and led me to the help I needed. I love her for that to this very day.

Many years ago!!

There is no shame in getting the help you need. I recently read a post on Facebook that said something along the lines of hoping that one day getting help for mental health would be as normal as going to the doctor for an injury, and that getting released from school for mental health would be as normal as leaving for a tummy ache. What a world that would be. Let’s end the stigma against mental illness and help those suffering get the help they need.

The big 5-0

I have finally hit 50 followers! I just wanted to dedicate this to all of you awesome readers that follow my journey, read my story, and leave your comments.

When I started this blog, I had no idea what I’d be getting into. I’ve always had a passion for writing, and I knew exactly what my platform was going to be. Writing has always been a great outlet for me, and it’s something I love to do!

I started to write a book back when I was in high school, but kind of just let it go to the way side. I’ve decided I wanted to get back into creative writing and work on publishing chapters of a new book! I already published a prologue for it, if you are interested in reading it I have left the link at the bottom of this article. I think it will be a fun journey and a great way to challenge myself while also pursuing a long-standing dream of mine.

Anyway, THANK YOU for your follow, your friendship, and your support! 50 followers may not sound like much, but this blog has turned into way more than I ever could have dreamed!

-Xoxoxo, Chrissy-

❤️

Read Prologue here.

Della is three months old today!

It has been awhile since I’ve given an update on my beautiful Bebe girl, but since today she turns THREE MONTHS old, I thought it would be a great time for an update on my new life in motherhood!

Ever since we brought her home, Della has been one of the most content and well-behaves babies I’ve ever seen! For the most part, she does not fuss unless she’s hungry, wants attention, or needs changed. She sleeps through the night pretty well- only waking about two times a night to eat. Once fed, she goes right back to sleep. 🙂 We are so lucky! However, it makes those nights when she’s up more than a couple times even more frustrating because we’re not used to it! Haha, but I truly can’t complain!

She’s such a happy, smiley girl. I’ve had quite a few moms tell me she should be a Gerber baby! I think her beauty is rooted in the fact that she has these long, beautiful lashes and curly hair. Ahhh, she makes my heart swoon!

She hasn’t yet let out a hard giggle, but she’s smiling and trying to get one out!

I can have bad days, but it’s amazing how those frustrating times no longer matter once I get her in my arms. Motherhood is truly one of the best things in the world!

Hope you all enjoy the photos of our beautiful girl. I’ll try to give more updates on here. What can I say? I’ve been pretty busy! 🥰

Drowning

I don’t know how much longer I can put up with this.

I go through the motions like I’m your slave.

So much is on my shoulders and

I think I’m drowning.

I can’t keep you happy and you don’t care if I am.

A misplaced shirt becomes an argument.

A rise in my voice becomes a battle.

A longing kiss becomes a plead.

I’m frustrated-

But I feel like it’s more.

Still, I say nothing.

Every responsibility that comes with a child has been placed on me

Every bill.

Every chore.

Every appointment.

I’m so tired, but I keep going for the sake of my beautiful girl.

I’m beginning to realize I can do this on my own.

I just hope you wake up before I have to choose to.

Breastfeeding: Is it worth it?

I am not writing this blog as a guru. Matter-of-fact, I’m about to become a mom for the first time myself. WHICH is why I thought it would be beneficial to look up some information about breastfeeding. I’m writing in hopes that while informing myself, I can also inform someone else.

During this pregnancy one of the most frequent questions I’ve been asked is whether I’m going to breastfeed or not. To be honest, I am SICK AND TIRED of that question!

I haven’t decided if breastfeeding is what I want to do or not, but I want to be clear:

As long as your baby is being fed, WHO CARES?!

I’ve never understood why some feel the need to put down a woman because she decides against breastfeeding. Some women, like myself, just don’t feel comfortable with the idea of breastfeeding. I’ve struggled with this a lot because even people I’ve consulted with in the medical field had a way of talking about breastfeeding as if I didn’t do it, I’d be doing what wasn’t the best for my baby. But let’s be real… as long as your baby is being fed, it doesn’t reaaallllyy matter. Sure, breastfeeding has some really awesome benefits for your baby, but c’mon. A baby fed with formula is still a fed baby! And that’s all that matters.

I’m a pretty conservative and modest person when it comes to my body, so I just can’t see myself being comfortable with having someone try to teach me how to breastfeed or the idea that a child will be sucking on me. At this point, I think I’d like to try, but if it’s not for me, it’s not for me. There is always the option to pump breast milk for your baby, and evade the whole “sucking” experience. (Don’t get wrong, I totally support all breastfeeding mothers and respect the experience it brings to some mother-baby relationships, I just don’t know if it will be for me)

Here are some really great benefits from breastfeeding:

  • Breast milk helps defend against infections, prevents allergies, and can help protect against some chronic conditions
  • Germ-fighting antibodies pass from the mother’s milk into the baby to enhance their immune system
  • Less ear infections and diarrhea
  • Lower chance of meningitis, asthma, diabetes, and obesity
  • Breast milk is more easily digested than formula
  • Breast milk’s flavor changes depending on what the mother eats, so the baby will get to experience many different tastes
  • It’s convenient!
  • Breastfeeding burns calories and helps shrink the uterus, helping the mother return to her pre-pregnancy size

I want to open this blog up to some chatter from other moms out there! Did you breastfeed? What was your reasoning behind your decision? Any tips?

Continue reading “Breastfeeding: Is it worth it?”

She Was Supposed to be Their Grandma…

When I was younger, I imagined my life much differently. And I’m not saying my life is bad now, it’s just… harder. 

No matter how many times adults tell you to appreciate being young and that “adulting” is hard, you’re still not quite ready for the reality of life once you’re out on your own.

There’s one thing that I specifically remember thinking about when I was younger. My future family. Young girls love playing house with make-believe husbands and children, and most toddlers can be seen holding a baby doll around the house. I was no different. I imagined having a family surrounding me and my kids.

But now that I am actually starting a family, things are just a bit different than I imagined…

First things first, as a child you never really know how expensive it is for your parents to take care of you. I’m a lot more poor than I thought I would be when the time to start a family came. Now here I am wondering how the hell anyone can afford children!!

Second, I feel a lot more alone than I thought I would.

Growing up I always dreamed about the day I could surprise my parents with the news of them becoming grandparents. Becoming a grandparent is exciting to parents!

But with the history of my mom and I’s relationship, the story is a little different. I told her and she was excited… cool. But she failed to mention that she got caught with meth again and is now facing 20 years. There goes any hopes of her meeting or getting to know my children. I thought the news of her future grandchildren would be enough to keep her motivated to stay off the drugs and out of the streets.

I guess I thought wrong.

There’s been no one out there that’s given her more chances or believed she would change than me. Now my time has been wasted and my dreams crushed.

In the light of so much excitement, there is so much heartbreak.

She was supposed to be their Grandma…

 

 

 

Queen Bee Syndrome & the Empowerment of Women From Women

I haven’t ever been one to claim myself as a “feminist.” I like to believe that how I view women and our power goes above needing a label. I don’t need some fancy word to characterize me as a believer in gender equality and the beautiful, strong creatures we call WOMEN.

I was reading through my feed on here today when I came across a post by a blogger that I admire, Bitchin’ in the Kitchen. The gist of her post was about how she still feels shame about not jumping in to stand up for a childhood girlfriend when she was being made fun of back when she was about five years old. She goes on to explain that she feels guilt today when she sees women “roasting” other women.

This got me thinking about how women treat each other, and just how true it is that women often times degrade other women. So I did some research and found a really interesting article from BBC called “Queen bees: Do women hinder the progress of other women?”

On one side, you have the idea that successful women become role models and mentors to women that watch from the sidelines. I believe this to be true. You can’t say you haven’t been infatuated with a strong, successful woman at one point, can you? Whether we like to admit it or not, I do believe that most women do root for our female counterparts to succeed.

However…

That’s only when they aren’t competing against them.

I introduce to you something called “Queen Bee Syndrome.” Queen Bee Syndrome was first defined in 1973 by psychologists at the University of Michigan, and it’s more or less how women in a dominantly male environment tend to be harder on other women. It questions why women are most likely to look out for their own success once they get to the top, rather than helping their fellow female counterparts up along the way.

There have been quite a few studies on this so-called Queen Bee Syndrome, specifically in the workforce. I guess the truth to Queen Bee Syndrome is kinda controversial, but some of the findings suggest that women act this way for a few different reasons.

One) Possibly because women enjoy being the only woman when they get to the top. That makes sense to me simply because often we see headlines that say things like “So-and-so is the only woman to be an executive at so-and-so company” or “this woman was the first to do this awesome thing.” We tend to think more of a woman when she has broken the barriers of a male-dominated company or organization, while also being the only woman to do so.

Two) This article suggested that women have a hard time competing against other women due to a stem from sexism. When competing against another woman, it’s been proven that women try not to be like other women and take a more masculine approach. Women try to overcome gender bias by definitively showing that they are different and even better than the other women they are competing against.


I think we, as women, should change the way we treat other women. Instead of accepting our society where women feel threatened of one another, we need to recreate a world where we all lift each other up and cheer on the successes of women in any way. If you look back on history, women have accomplished the most when they united and stood strong for the betterment of women everywhere.

ALL women are queens. Be a storm. Be fearless. Embody what it means to be a woman. But most importantly, be an empowering force to women everywhere!!