Heavy Feelings

I have heavy feelings tonight.

Ones I’ve had for awhile. They’ve been festering inside me. They aren’t that disruptive.

Except for when I sit alone with myself, only my thoughts to entertain me.

They have been tugging at me, these feelings.

But it’s easier to let you hide in your guilt than it is to initiate confrontation.

I think it’s taking so long because you know that the guilt belongs to you.

There is more than one instance of this in my life right now.

I don’t have the energy to plead what I’m owed.

I’m usually more stubborn about things like this.

But this time, I’m just tired and I have no fight left in me.

It is what it is.

I’ll carry these heavy feelings and hope that they resolve sooner rather than later.

Mom Guilt

Mom guilt is such a bitch

I put my daughter to bed and then crawl into bed myself and look through all of my old photos of her

It’s like… When she’s awake I’m excited for her to go to bed so I can do things for myself

But

Then I put her to bed and all I can think is ‘I wanna go wake her up so bad’

It’s an endless game of guilt

And it sucks

But it goes without saying, I’m soaking up every second of her innocent youth because she’s growing up so fast and someday she’ll leave the nest! 😇😍