Can love fill the void created from being abandoned?
Can it wipe away the tears and fill in scars on the heart?
Can it erase the past?
Can it make everything that’s wrong feel right?
Can love make you crazy?
Can it make you feel sane?
Can it ever be for sure?
Can it ever be perfect?
Can love be forever?
Can it ever end?
Can it be your biggest comfort while also being your biggest heartbreak?
Can love bring relief?
Can it fill your soul like music?
Can it anger?
Can it bring peace?
Can it hurt you more than it cures you?
Can love be evil?
Can it crumble you and then put you back together?
Can it be manipulative?
That Home is where the heart is
But how can that be true
When I can’t even remember
What it feels like to lay in my own bed
I can’t remember what he smells like and
I can no longer hear my daughter’s laugh
Thundering in my thoughts
I am here
And they are there
So now I’m sure
That home is not a place
The arms of a person
When I was younger, I imagined my life much differently. And I’m not saying my life is bad now, it’s just… harder.
No matter how many times adults tell you to appreciate being young and that “adulting” is hard, you’re still not quite ready for the reality of life once you’re out on your own.
There’s one thing that I specifically remember thinking about when I was younger. My future family. Young girls love playing house with make-believe husbands and children, and most toddlers can be seen holding a baby doll around the house. I was no different. I imagined having a family surrounding me and my kids.
But now that I am actually starting a family, things are just a bit different than I imagined…
First things first, as a child you never really know how expensive it is for your parents to take care of you. I’m a lot more poor than I thought I would be when the time to start a family came. Now here I am wondering how the hell anyone can afford children!!
Second, I feel a lot more alone than I thought I would.
Growing up I always dreamed about the day I could surprise my parents with the news of them becoming grandparents. Becoming a grandparent is exciting to parents!
But with the history of my mom and I’s relationship, the story is a little different. I told her and she was excited… cool. But she failed to mention that she got caught with meth again and is now facing 20 years. There goes any hopes of her meeting or getting to know my children. I thought the news of her future grandchildren would be enough to keep her motivated to stay off the drugs and out of the streets.
I guess I thought wrong.
There’s been no one out there that’s given her more chances or believed she would change than me. Now my time has been wasted and my dreams crushed.
In the light of so much excitement, there is so much heartbreak.
She was supposed to be their Grandma…