To the Father of my Children – Letters Before Birth

I met you in the fall of 2016. You know the story, so I’ll spare the details.

But I most remember the way I scoffed to myself that you were not the kind of guy I needed to get involved with. I mean, I was just out of a long-term relationship, in the middle of my military training and living nearly 900 miles across the country from home. Not to mention, you had hair to the middle of your back, played in a band, and shared debatable political posts on Facebook that made me think to myself, ‘This guy is different. He’s not typical and his mind seems intriguing.’

But some part of me must have thought I was better than the hot drummer from a county over because I always swore to myself I wasn’t interested. I gave you the silent treatment many times and showed my sass early on.

Thank goodness you didn’t give up.

You were relentless and determined to get a response.

I finished my military training and came home- where you lived just a town over. At this point, we’d never met face to face, so you were really the first person I saw when I got back to Illinois.

And we’ve been side by side ever since. It’s like the world put us together; our gravities collided. I don’t know if I believe in fate, but I do believe in giving in to natural attraction, even if it’s scary and unexpected. Taking those journeys is what life is all about, even if you make a mistake or fall along the way. I think life will pleasantly surprise you in many ways; just by taking that leap of faith.

The spark between us is still very much alive today. You still make me laugh more than anyone and watching you become a father has been one of the greatest treasures of my life. I’m always cheering you on – whether it be your career or something as simple as watching you show our daughter the most sincere and affectionate love she could ever be given. I trust you and I love you forever. There is no one else on this planet that I’d rather share the adventure of parenthood with than you.

Thank you for showing me compassion throughout my journey into motherhood. I have no doubt the second time around will be just as amazing as the last.

Five more days til we complete the family we started five years ago. 🤍

We got two new kitties

I wrote a few weeks ago about the passing of our family member, “New Kitty.”

I’m writing today to introduce you to the two newest kitties we’ve welcomed to our family.

Meet Cornell,

and Minnie (Mouse)

Minnie is a bit younger than Cornell, as you can probably tell. She’s also a bit more reserved and relaxed; whereas Cornell is the one who runs through the house and plays with you and has a very funny personality. We’ve really fallen in love with both of them. Minnie Mouse is kind of Della’s buddy, and I absolutely adore Cornell.

They like to sleep in the bottom of my indoor fake potted tree… Together
She’s our quiet lil lady
He’s our funny goon
Cornell is also a bit easier to photograph

An Angel on Earth

Her smile lights up a room

Her wide smile pierces my soul every time

How can this perfect of a being

be standing right in front of me?

How lucky I am to be blessed

with such grace in the form of kin

She’s more than the barefoot child

running down the sidewalk,

wind blowing through her blonde curls

She’s the warmth you feel in your blood

as she wraps her arms around your neck

She’s the sun and the moon and the sea

and a mixture of everything that shines and glows

She’s the rain that cleanses

and the trees that dance in the breeze

How can I not sit and admire her?

She radiates purity and

embodies a free spirit

A true angel on earth

“Say Something” by A Great Big World

“Say something, I’m giving up on you

I’ll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere, I would’ve followed you

Say something, I’m giving up on you

And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall
I’m still learning to love
Just starting to crawl

Say something, I’m giving up on you

I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you

Anywhere, I would’ve followed you

Say something, I’m giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride
You’re the one that I love
And I’m saying goodbye

Say something, I’m giving up on you

And I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you

And anywhere, I would have followed you
Ooh, ooh say something, I’m giving up on you

Say something, I’m giving up on you

Say something”

Source: MusixmatchSongwriters: Campbell Mike / Axel Ian / Campbelle MikeSay Something lyrics © Reservoir 416, Ian Axel Music, Chad Vaccarino Publishing, Manhattan Astronaut Music, Songs Of Universal Inc.

Can love?

Can love fill the void created from being abandoned?

Can it wipe away the tears and fill in scars on the heart?

Can it erase the past?

Can it make everything that’s wrong feel right?

Can love make you crazy?

Can it make you feel sane?

Can it ever be for sure?

Can it ever be perfect?

Can love be forever?

Can it ever end?

Can it be your biggest comfort while also being your biggest heartbreak?

Can love bring relief?

Can it fill your soul like music?

Can it anger?

Can it bring peace?

Can it hurt you more than it cures you?

Can love be evil?

Can it crumble you and then put you back together?

Can it be manipulative?

Narcissistic?

Obsessive?

Intrusive?

Degrading?

Can love?

2020: A Year in Review

It’s easy to disregard 2020 and classify it as the WORST YEAR EVER, but it’s more challenging to look back and appreciate the good things that happened. We battled a global pandemic and watched as the world changed as we knew it.

But some good things happened, too.

Here are a few great memories of mine that happened in 2020:

January

Our daughter turned one.

April

We enjoyed the spring flowers and went on hikes

May

I was spoiled by my fiancé for Mother’s Day and I bought a new car (my first real big girl purchase!)

June

I returned home from my military activation to support a COVID testing site

July

We celebrated a friend and took a party bus to the city

August

My fiancé and I took a trip to Grafton just for fun – a weekend away is always needed!

September

Dylan bought a new truck! We both upgraded our vehicles this year — something we worked really hard for and are super proud of!

October

I turned 24!

December

Christmas… duh!

Two Years

My daughter turned TWO on January 5th. It’s seems hardly imaginable that that much time has passed since we met her.

She’s smart

Strong

Sassy

She’s the funniest kid I know.

She wants what she wants when she wants it.

She’s beautiful, but her beauty is more than just her long lashes and captive smile.

She is gentle and when her arms are wrapped around my neck, I feel like there is nothing wrong in the world. She cries when she sees me cry and murmurs, “Mama” when she first wakes up.

She has changed our lives in the best way possible and I’m thankful for her every day.

She makes me patient and kind and responsible and joyous.

Happy 2nd birthday, sweet girl!