Quick update

First things first, we are all well. I’m so very thankful for that.

I started back to work this week, so life is a bit more hectic on work days. My company has a “gradual return” policy, so I’m actually only working 2 days this week, 3 days next week, and then 3 days the week of Christmas. After that, it’s back to normal- as far as work goes… Very lucky to have this available to me because returning to work six weeks after having a child is low-key MOM ABUSE.

I’d say we are all adapting well to being a family of four. Della is obsessed with baby brother and Dylan is such a good dad.

All 4 of us at a winter festival – Peep lil Leon in the front 🥰

But with all that is good, it’s also so very stressful. As much as I love this life I’m so blessed with, I also struggle with an immense yearning for a life outside of motherhood. I wish I had more family that offered to help or just take the kids for a day. I will admit I’m very jealous of other moms that have support from their family. Not to say we don’t at times, but not nearly what I’d always expected or hoped for before I had kids…

Christmas is around the corner, so that’s always something to look forward to. This time of the year truly is the best and being a mom and bringing the light and joy of Christmas to my family is so very special to me. I’m planning to have a family Christmas photo shoot here soon- I will post when I get around to doing that 🤪

Until next time, stay safe & happy holidays!!

DIY Newborn Photo Sesh

It’s broke girl season. Since I’m on maternity leave, my paycheck is only 60% of my normal wage- of course they’re still taking the full amount of taxes & deductions out 😅 Plus, Christmas is right around the corner so I’m trying to budget the best I can. Not to mention, I hit a deer on my birthday and I still have to pay the $500 deductible before I can get my car fixed.

With the holidays coming up, I’m also trying to figure out which Christmas presents I can make homemade.

Leon turned three weeks old yesterday, and I didn’t have the money to hire a professional photographer to take his photos… so I did them myself! I bought the hat and suspenders set on Amazon for like $15 and I already had the wicker basket. Add in a house built in the 1890s with beautiful natural woodwork, and you’ve got a perfect backdrop.

Here’s a preview of my work:

This grin

This is hard

Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning

It’s 9pm and my daily to do list still has five things left on it…

Oh shit, the baby is waking up. Better make a bottle of formula since I suck and forgot to pump

It’s takes so long to sit down and put him to the breast

I wanted my breastfeeding journey to be much longer but I’m afraid it’s dwindling down

I’m trying my best but I’m in my head

I still have to do my college homework

What am I doing?

I take on all of these things and I have no one to take the kids to when I need some time away

I’m stuck here

In this world of everlasting responsibility

And there’s no clocking out

I’m tired. So so tired

But I’ll continue to rise

Welcome, Leon

Our family was completed on 10/27 🤍 Welcome to this crazy world, Leon Richard!

We are both healthy & doing well at home. I’m unbelievably blessed.

To the Father of my Children – Letters Before Birth

I met you in the fall of 2016. You know the story, so I’ll spare the details.

But I most remember the way I scoffed to myself that you were not the kind of guy I needed to get involved with. I mean, I was just out of a long-term relationship, in the middle of my military training and living nearly 900 miles across the country from home. Not to mention, you had hair to the middle of your back, played in a band, and shared debatable political posts on Facebook that made me think to myself, ‘This guy is different. He’s not typical and his mind seems intriguing.’

But some part of me must have thought I was better than the hot drummer from a county over because I always swore to myself I wasn’t interested. I gave you the silent treatment many times and showed my sass early on.

Thank goodness you didn’t give up.

You were relentless and determined to get a response.

I finished my military training and came home- where you lived just a town over. At this point, we’d never met face to face, so you were really the first person I saw when I got back to Illinois.

And we’ve been side by side ever since. It’s like the world put us together; our gravities collided. I don’t know if I believe in fate, but I do believe in giving in to natural attraction, even if it’s scary and unexpected. Taking those journeys is what life is all about, even if you make a mistake or fall along the way. I think life will pleasantly surprise you in many ways; just by taking that leap of faith.

The spark between us is still very much alive today. You still make me laugh more than anyone and watching you become a father has been one of the greatest treasures of my life. I’m always cheering you on – whether it be your career or something as simple as watching you show our daughter the most sincere and affectionate love she could ever be given. I trust you and I love you forever. There is no one else on this planet that I’d rather share the adventure of parenthood with than you.

Thank you for showing me compassion throughout my journey into motherhood. I have no doubt the second time around will be just as amazing as the last.

Five more days til we complete the family we started five years ago. 🤍

13 days to go…

Well, friends. We are 13 days away from baby day.

We go to the hospital for the planned C-section on the 27th unless labor progresses on its own before then.

We are under two weeks away.

I say ‘we’ although it feels more like ‘I.’

Ya know… I carried this baby. I tore my body up. I suffered and puked and cried and endured the pregnancy on my own. Somehow it still feels selfish to take all the credit. I’m conflicted, however, because a cesarean is no joke and I’m the one going under the knife. To be honest, I’m scared to death to do it again, but I understand it’s something I’ve got to do. I’ve expressed my worry to my fiancé and he is very supportive and doing his best to understand, but in the back of my mind I still know that after all, it’s me that is ultimately going through this. Not him. He is in a way – but not really.

So yeah, I’m anxious and worried and scared.

So send good vibes and wish us luck on a healthy remaining two weeks!!! Because I’m doing my best to try to keep my mind at bay, but it’s been a struggle and every day that we get closer is another day closer to me freaking out!

I can do this. Almost there.

35 weeks

We’re at 35 weeks, everyone! I’ve officially made it inside the 30 day mark. This is almost cause for celebration (almost)!

Today I had an ultrasound and he was measuring one week ahead and nearly SIX pounds. It’s always reassuring to see your babe appear healthy and growing while in your womb. Not everyone gets to experience that, so it’s something I try to enjoy although pregnancy can be a struggle.

Four more weeks. I can do this. I’m beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

(Even though I don’t have the nursery completed or a hospital bag packed)