Sorry to disappoint, but this isn’t a fictional story… I haven’t had much time to put into my writing lately, but I wanted to give you guys a quick glimpse into what I’ve been up to lately!
1. I have a baaaad rash of POISON SUMAC. 🌿😭 A few friends and I thought it would be fun to go creek swimming, but to get to the water we had to walk through some high weeds and grass. We must’ve walked through a patch of poison sumac because OH MY GOSH my legs are broken out and itch soo bad! It has spread on both legs, both feet, up onto my hips, and on my bum! I’ve never had poison ivy, so when my fiancé broke out I didn’t think I would too! Turns out, I did and I have GOT to get to the doc because I can’t take this anymore!
2. We had nearly $500 stolen out of our house this past week. It puts a huge strain on paying the bills this month. We don’t know who did it or what to do now that the cash is gone. VERY frustrating!
3. I have a job interview for a full time position at my current workplace! After the awful poison sumac and stolen cash, this news was a light in a dark tunnel! If I get this job I will make $3 more an hour and be offered great medical benefits. Fingers crossed I get this job!!! 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼
4. Babies grow SO FAST. My daughter Della turned SIX months old on the 5th!! She is the best part of my day and it’s so fun watching her grow!!!
What have you guys been up to? Sorry I’ve been a bit absent, but I’d love to chat!! Drop a comment!
Maintaining friendships after parenthood is hard. Most parents will agree.
But I always kind of had a hard time keeping up with others even before I had a baby. I have always been more introverted, and I can’t really think of a time in my life where I truly felt like I had a “best friend.” Sure, I had people I trusted, hung out with, and considered more than a simple acquaintance, but I never really felt a connection deep enough to where I felt totally comfortable and completely understood.
A short time ago, I had an old high school friend message me and ask how the baby and I were. I hadn’t heard from this friend in quite a while. I will admit, I was being petty about her not coming to visit me like I feel a good friend should. After all, she lives a county away from me. When she messaged me, I was busy doing whatever thing I had on my list of things to do as a working mom, so I gave her a simple: “We’re good.”
I didn’t mean anything negative by it. I was just … BUSY! So she ended up getting upset about how she tries to keep up with me now that I have a baby and that all I do is shut her out. I can see where she is coming from. In all honesty, I will probably always be the type to keep my distance when it comes to outsiders. I like friendship and I do believe that healthy relationships are important, I just no longer have the time to put a bunch of effort into people that aren’t making an actual, solid attempt to see me. You can make every excuse under the sun as to why you don’t go visit someone, but when it comes down to it… it just shows that you don’t actually care that much. And I told her just that.
How much you care is how much you try.
On the other hand, I had a friend that actually put in a great deal of effort to see me and meet my daughter for the first time. When I first got out of high school, I headed straight to Eastern Illinois University. There I met a girl named Tiffany. Now, we both only went to school there for one semester, but we were thick as thieves. We would run out to my car and smoke cigarettes, go to the frat houses, and hang out in our dorm rooms. All college fun… but that wasfour years ago.We never lost touch.
Tiffany and I while in college
Tiffany and I this past weekend
I actually met up with Tiff in Chicago about a year ago, and then this past weekend she made the four hour trek to come visit me and meet my daughter.
I’d say that is a helluva lot more effort than most people give.
And we had only seen one another one time in the last four years.
My point of this isn’t to bitch about the people that aren’t putting effort into relationships.
My point is…The people that care, will show up.
It doesn’t matter if you only knew them for a total of four months.
It doesn’t matter if you haven’t seen them in years.
Until you’ve experienced it, childbirth is a scary thing to think about. For a long time, it was at the very TOP of my list of biggest fears. I didn’t have any experiences to compare the most painful and emotional thing that I was ever going to put myself through, so the thought of becoming a mom was absolutely terrifying for me. There is no moment in your life that will prepare you for motherhood. It’s something you just have to dive into, even if you’re scared shitless and don’t have a clue what to expect.
My daughter was measuring two weeks ahead and in the 99 percentile from the very first ultrasound. As my due date got closer and my belly got bigger, our concerns became about the method of delivery. I am 5’3” (on a good day) and my hips are pretty narrow. My doctor was worried about delivering vaginally because she may have gotten stuck on the way out, resulting in a traumatizing delivery or emergency c-section. He left the decision up to me: Did I want to try a vaginal delivery and risk her getting stuck? Or did I want to go ahead and schedule a c-section and avoid the trauma?
36 weeks- large & glowing!
After a lot of deliberation and weighing the options carefully, I decided to have the c-section.
With that decision came a lot of emotion. For some reason, people have this invalid perception that having a baby cut from your womb is “the easy way out.” I am here to tell you that it is without a doubt,notan easier way to give birth. Any method of delivery is beautiful, worthy, courageous, and just plainhard.
Seven layers of flesh are cut during a c-section.
The recovery time is much slower than that of a vaginal birth.
You are awake the entire time, knowing that your insides are open and laid out behind the sheet in front of you.
I didn’t get to hold my baby until almost an hour after she was born.
Five months later and I still can’t feel nearly half of my abdomen when I touch it.
I went in to be induced at 39 weeks, on January 5, 2019. I was told to be at the hospital by 6am. The night before I knew I had to be there, I laid in bed with my mind spinning and imagining what I was going to be experiencing in just a few short hours.
I don’t think I even blinked the entire night.
Being induced and knowing that it is most likely going to result in a c-section is perhaps one of the most nerve-wracking things I’ve ever gone through. I laid there that night and thought about how once I left the house, I would not return until the human that I had been housing inside of me for the last nine months was introduced to the outside world. I worried about how I would be as a first-time mom. I watched videos of c-sections and scared myself even more (Still cool though – I’m a science nerd). I was more scared the night before we went to the hospital than I was the entire nine months priorcombined.
Laying in bed with my fiancé the night before we went to the hospital
Four o’clock came fast. After what seemed like year-long pregnancy, it was finally time to get up, grab my bags, and go meet my baby girl for the very first time.
I never knew excitement and terror could co-exist so charmingly.
Baby time! Our picture together when we arrived at the hospital 🎉
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Stay tuned for my birth story. I will publish at a later time!! ❤️❤️❤️
Ahh! Good morning, bloggers! It is Day 4 of my June Blogging Challenge!! Today’s prompt is:
SOMETHING/SOMEONE THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
This one is so easy for me! In January I gave birth to my first child, Della Rae. Being a mom makes me SO happy, so today’s prompt is a no-brainer.
Della Rae was born at 1:56pm on January 5th, 2019 at 7 lbs 10.5 oz. I gave birth via c-section (What a scary experience!). She was born with a head full of hair. This is her when we were still at the hospital:
This past Saturday Della turned five months old. Read The Last Five Months for more about how the last five months with my daughter has changed my life.
Della recently laughed for the VERY first time (see the above video). Until you have a child, you probably don’t truly understand how amazing small milestones like that are.
In all honesty, babies are kind of boring. For the first few months of life, they don’t do much but cry, poop, and eat, so you find yourself waiting imipatiently for them to do the next cool thing like smile, roll over, laugh, or crawl. But once they get the hang of tiny feats like that, you’re back to square one: waiting for the next cool milestone. I, of course, don’t much mind the wait. I love watching her grow and learn new things. She will be six months old next month and then the race is on! She will change SOOO much within the next six months, and I am READY for it!!
Being the mother of Miss Della Rae is the greatest pleasure of my life. Motherhood is a rush of happiness and excitement. What is something/someone that makes you happy??
I’ve written a lot on this blog about my mother and her struggles with drug addiction. When I started this page, I decided that would be the platform I talked a lot about, yet a lot of the time I feel like a broken record. There are only so many times you can tell your thoughts, feelings, and experiences before people think, ‘Yeah, we’ve heard this before…’
But now I have a different view of motherhood now that I’m becoming a mother myself.
Throughout my entire pregnancy, even until the day I had her, I was so skeptical on my ability to love my child. I think every new mom worries about what kind of mom they will be and if they will love their baby enough. I honestly felt disconnected to the child that I was carrying.
And that scared me.
I had a lot of anxiety about becoming a mother because I had never been showed what a mother’s true love and presence felt like. My expectations of motherhood were so high because I wanted to be everything that my mom wasn’t. Sometimes I still feel unsure, guilty, and wonder if what I’m doing is what the “good” moms out there do.
It’s hard becoming something when you’ve only witnessed a negative viewpoint of what you are going to become yourself.
The moment I saw Della for the first time, I KNEW I was going to be okay. It all finally made sense. I think it’s hard for a first-time mom to truly understand the life that she made and is carrying. I didn’t truly understand the magnitude of pregnancy because I had never created life, grew it inside of me, and got to see the end result: a baby. But once I got to meet her and see that she was a tiny human that grew inside of me, it all changed. Of course I loved her as she grew inside of me, but all worries of if I could love her enough vanished once I could really see what I had made.
It is, and always will be, the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed.
A mother’s love is like no other. After all, your baby is the only living thing on this earth that has heard your heartbeat from inside your body.
When I first found out I was pregnant, I was terrified. Terrified of the unknown. Terrified of how you’d react. Terrified of how I would be as a new mom. I can say with certainty now, parenthood is something you just don’t understand until you are one yourself. There is no glimpse into the future. There is no certainty of anything when it comes to having a child.
I remember trying to muster up the courage to tell you thatyourbaby was having a baby of her own. Becoming a parent was something I still hadn’t fully came to terms with myself… and yet I had to tell you that you were going to be a grandparent and hope you would be supportive of this new journey I was starting.
You were everything I had always imagined and more.
I remember the shrill sound of your voice, all joy and excitement pouring from your heart. I remember feeling you cry as you hugged me, telling me how proud you were and how much you loved me. I remember feeling the nervousness and worry liberate itself from me.
As the months went on and my belly began to grow, you were by my side with new baby clothes in one hand and some shoes to match in the other. You were there at ultrasounds, baby showers, crying fits, and doctor’s appointments. You offered all the advice you could and encouraged me to have confidence in myself.
There was not a single moment since I found out about my pregnancy where I felt like I had let you down. You never made me feel like this was an unwanted circumstance. You never made me question whether I was doing the right thing.
I want to thank you for all you have done for me in my journey to motherhood. You understood the love that children bring, and you helped me understand that one day I, too, would feel the overwhelming love and vulnerability of having a child of my own. You understood what it was like to see the entire contents of your heart walking around on this earth… And now I do too.
I want to thank you for being amazing grandparents. We grow up knowing our parents as the people that shape us into who we become, but that relationship is so much more beautiful when you get to see your parents handling the child that you made. Life is one big circle, and watching the people that you have known the longest care for a life you made is nothing short of spectacular.
As grandparents, you have made me a better daughter, a better sister, and a better friend. But most importantly, you have made me into a better mom – a mom that has no doubt that she is doing a damn good job. Thank you for being supportive parents to me, and THANK YOU for being the BEST grandparents to my beautiful baby.
I have finally hit 50 followers! I just wanted to dedicate this to all of you awesome readers that follow my journey, read my story, and leave your comments.
When I started this blog, I had no idea what I’d be getting into. I’ve always had a passion for writing, and I knew exactly what my platform was going to be. Writing has always been a great outlet for me, and it’s something I love to do!
I started to write a book back when I was in high school, but kind of just let it go to the way side. I’ve decided I wanted to get back into creative writing and work on publishing chapters of a new book! I already published a prologue for it, if you are interested in reading it I have left the link at the bottom of this article. I think it will be a fun journey and a great way to challenge myself while also pursuing a long-standing dream of mine.
Anyway, THANK YOU for your follow, your friendship, and your support! 50 followers may not sound like much, but this blog has turned into way more than I ever could have dreamed!
It has been awhile since I’ve given an update on my beautiful Bebe girl, but since today she turns THREE MONTHS old, I thought it would be a great time for an update on my new life in motherhood!
Ever since we brought her home, Della has been one of the most content and well-behaves babies I’ve ever seen! For the most part, she does not fuss unless she’s hungry, wants attention, or needs changed. She sleeps through the night pretty well- only waking about two times a night to eat. Once fed, she goes right back to sleep. 🙂 We are so lucky! However, it makes those nights when she’s up more than a couple times even more frustrating because we’re not used to it! Haha, but I truly can’t complain!
She’s such a happy, smiley girl. I’ve had quite a few moms tell me she should be a Gerber baby! I think her beauty is rooted in the fact that she has these long, beautiful lashes and curly hair. Ahhh, she makes my heart swoon!
She hasn’t yet let out a hard giggle, but she’s smiling and trying to get one out!
I can have bad days, but it’s amazing how those frustrating times no longer matter once I get her in my arms. Motherhood is truly one of the best things in the world!
Hope you all enjoy the photos of our beautiful girl. I’ll try to give more updates on here. What can I say? I’ve been pretty busy! 🥰
Okay, so I’ve been really bad about keeping my blog up-to-date with all the goes on when you’re working and pregnant. Buuuut, we had our beautiful baby girl on January 5th!! I’ll keep this post short because the feeling of it all still leaves me speechless!
Meet Della Rae Ruble!
She was born at 1:56pm and weighed 7 lb 10.5 oz!
Those pictures are from the day our girl was born, but I want to drop some pictures as she’s grown because today she is SEVEN WEEKS OLD!!
And now she is finally starting to smile when we talk to her!
So now that I have left you with an abundance of baby pictures, I will get back to writing an actual post to share! Hope you all have been doing well, and I can’t wait to catch back up with some of the friends I’ve made on here!
I am not writing this blog as a guru. Matter-of-fact, I’m about to become a mom for the first time myself. WHICH is why I thought it would be beneficial to look up some information about breastfeeding. I’m writing in hopes that while informing myself, I can also inform someone else.
During this pregnancy one of the most frequent questions I’ve been asked is whether I’m going to breastfeed or not. To be honest, I am SICK AND TIRED of that question!
I haven’t decided if breastfeeding is what I want to do or not, but I want to be clear:
As long as your baby is being fed, WHO CARES?!
I’ve never understood why some feel the need to put down a woman because she decides against breastfeeding. Some women, like myself, just don’t feel comfortable with the idea of breastfeeding. I’ve struggled with this a lot because even people I’ve consulted with in the medical field had a way of talking about breastfeeding as if I didn’t do it, I’d be doing what wasn’t the best for my baby. But let’s be real… as long as your baby is being fed, it doesn’t reaaallllyy matter. Sure, breastfeeding has some really awesome benefits for your baby, but c’mon. A baby fed with formula is still a fed baby! And that’s all that matters.
I’m a pretty conservative and modest person when it comes to my body, so I just can’t see myself being comfortable with having someone try to teach me how to breastfeed or the idea that a child will be sucking on me. At this point, I think I’d like to try, but if it’s not for me, it’s not for me. There is always the option to pump breast milk for your baby, and evade the whole “sucking” experience. (Don’t get wrong, I totally support all breastfeeding mothers and respect the experience it brings to some mother-baby relationships, I just don’t know if it will be for me)
Here are some really great benefits from breastfeeding:
Breast milk helps defend against infections, prevents allergies, and can help protect against some chronic conditions
Germ-fighting antibodies pass from the mother’s milk into the baby to enhance their immune system
Less ear infections and diarrhea
Lower chance of meningitis, asthma, diabetes, and obesity
Breast milk is more easily digested than formula
Breast milk’s flavor changes depending on what the mother eats, so the baby will get to experience many different tastes
It’s convenient!
Breastfeeding burns calories and helps shrink the uterus, helping the mother return to her pre-pregnancy size
I want to open this blog up to some chatter from other moms out there! Did you breastfeed? What was your reasoning behind your decision? Any tips?
Between the Lens 