EOD Thoughts: 07.06.2021

I reflect a lot. I write about my reflection and devotion to that on here often.

But one thing I’ve noticed about the last year:

It’s changed my methodology around reflection.

I used to rely a lot on the feedback I received from others. I naturally surround myself with honest people that will tell me when I’m not acting myself or when I’m wrong. I like that. I try to take that advice seriously.

That was a life we knew before the pandemic forever changed the workplace and how we conduce relationships with others.

I work from home three days a week and on the two days I’m actually in the office, there is hardly much conversation. No interaction other than Zoom for the most part.

So now I’ve got to try to internalize a true perception of myself while also taking account of how I make look on someone else’s screen.

Did I mention, with no feedback for reference?

Business in this manner makes me feel like I’m only going through the motions and don’t have much control over my own career.

So I think both personally and professionally, I need to really sit down with myself and think about how others may feel when we interact. I know I can do better at home; I’ve let a few too many curse words slip now that we’ve got a talking and brilliant toddler. And I can always do better at listening to understand Dylan, rather than thinking of my response to what he’s saying. We’re pretty upfront about everything when needed.

Anywhooo, the overall gist is that self-reflection is hard, especially after feeling the effects of a global pandemic. So don’t put too much pressure on yourself when thinking about how much better you could be, but rather consider how many things you are ROCKIN. Cut yourself some slack – EVERYONE is under their own form of stress right now. We’re all trying to adjust to something new. We’ll make it through it.

-EOD Thoughts-

EOD Thoughts: Night One

It’s sort of amazing how fast life can change.

And a lot has changed in the last WEEK.

Last week I was still laid off of work and spending every day at home playing with Della and living off of unemployment checks.

This week I am back to work and Della started at a new daycare.

Last week Dylan was working 6am – 4:30pm hating a job that he wasn’t appreciated at.

This week he was promoted to a supervisor position and his schedule is now 11am – 8pm. He earned $1 more and his entire attitude about work is different.

So now he will have mornings with Della while I work and I’ll have Della of the evenings while he works. It will be a change in routine, but now I may have a bit more time to write of the evenings while I watch Della play. I’m fortunate that my office and her playroom are in the same room so I still get to interact with her while she plays.

So here’s to new beginnings and new series… End-Of-Day (EOD) Thoughts !!!

Stay tuned, friends

…………

Tonight’s Reflection Quote:

Be the Change

I had a conversation with my fiancé, Dylan, the other day about my mom. She left a comment on one of my blog entries that really had me bothered. Dylan let me vent it out for a while and when I was done, he simply asked me, “Well what have youdone?” It was an innocent question, yet, at the time it angered me. I began to snap back all the ways my mom had done me wrong. He stopped me and said, “Well, you should look at it from her point of view.” I immediately got out my notebook and jotted down the notes of our conversation so that I could reflect on it later.

I have thought a lot about that conversation, and with all that self-reflection, I thought it would be a great time to talk about myflaws… The things that aren’t so great about me. I can talk until I’m blue in the face about all the things that my mom has done to me, but I’m positive there are things about me that aren’t exactly perfect either. I think it’s important that we set aside time in our lives to think about the person we wantto be, and the person that we are. More often than we’d probably like to admit, they are not the same thing.

The person I want to be is someone that is kind, reliable, and welcoming. I want to exude happiness and embody strength. I want to be honest and loving. These are the things that mean the most to me. Without much thought, I like to believe that I do, in fact, radiate all of these positive characteristics. But when I dig deeper into the depths of my own narcissism, I realize maybe I’m not the person that I want to be. 

Everyone likes to think that they are a “good” person. I encourage you to take off the blinders and try to see yourself through someone else’s eyes. Overall, I do believe that I am a “good” person. But there are things I could do better.

Appear More Welcoming & Exude Happiness. I have a VERY bad case of what people like to call the “resting bitch face.” I am aware that I may not appear to others as someone they’d want to approach or make conversation with. It’s not that I intend to come across that way, I just have a resting face that may not be welcoming; which is very unfortunate because I could talk to anyone at any time! I want to smile more and step out of my comfort zone to start conversation rather than waiting for someone else to engage with me.

Embody Strength. The first thing I’m told after I explain my story to someone is, “You’re so strong.” I think most people don’t feel as strong as others see them. That rings true to me. I am gentle, faint-hearted, and sensitive. I don’t feel strong. But I know I am. Everyone has strengths in certain situations. I want to think of myself as someone that is strong. I want my self-talk to have more recognition of the strength I possess. I have thicker skin than I like to believe, and it’s time I start acting like it.

Be Loving. I care a great deal about the people around me, but it’s always been hard for me to show it. I don’t enjoy hugging people most times, and there are a lot of people I feel strange saying “I love you” to. My sister and I always joke about how we feel uncomfortable saying “I love you.” I don’t know if it’s because of some deep fear due to trauma, or if other people feel that way too, but I want to do a better job expressing my love to my friends and family. Tomorrow isn’t promised. Imagine how much our conversations would change if we knew when the last one was going to be.

Be Reliable. I had my baby shower back in November and I invited close to twenty friends that I figured would show up or at least appreciate the invite. Three showed up, and only one out of the rest I invited even bothered to let me know that they couldn’t be there. I will never forget how miserable I felt, and even though I have moved on, I will most likely never forget the pain they caused me. I was relying on the friends I loved to come through for me, and it was very painful when they didn’t. I don’t want the people that rely on me to feel the way that I felt that day. I want to show up. I want to come through for those that expect it from me.

These are just some of the things I know that I can work on. I want to be better for those around me. Be the change you wish to see in the world!