Alexander’s Alaska

My name is Alexander. I don’t go by Alex because it doubles as a female’s name and that bothers me.

I am 24 years old, but I feel a lot older. I’ve been alone for a long while and I don’t see that changing any time soon.

I got out of high school and didn’t know where my place in society was. I didn’t belong anywhere within the traditional realm of life. I didn’t want to join the military because I didn’t care to fight in the name of a government. I didn’t go to college because I didn’t know what to pursue and the price of school is way more than what a degree is actually worth. I didn’t want get a job because I thought that there is more to life than slaving at a nine-to-five job just to barely pay the bills. 

So I left.

I went off the grid.

I gathered every penny I had saved, bought a plane ticket, and moved to Alaska. I bought ten acres of land south of the Yukon River and started a new life. When I first got there, all I did was cut down trees. I cut for days. I had a tarp tied to a tree that I slept under, and when the sun rose in the mornings I had already been up for a few hours. I got to Alaska in late July, so it was still in the mid-70s during the day time.

I had a small cottage built by the time the temperatures got too low to sleep under my tarp. It took a lot of work and was lonesome to do solo, but it is something that I still feel immense pride in accomplishing. 

I’ve been here just over a year, and I’ve basically got life in the wilderness put on a daily schedule. The routine is monotonous, but there are always things that must be done.

Now I sit here with this pen in my hand knowing that no one will ever read my writing. It takes a great deal of effort to swallow the loneliness that I feel on my worst days, but most of the time I interact with Mother Nature and spend time appreciating our great earth.

I wish I had someone to share this land with. Someone to talk to. Someone to feel something for. Instead of wallowing in my own stubbornness and insecurity, I cut trees, hunt, and fetch water so that I don’t have to acknowledge just how lonely I am. My soul isn’t fulfilled and it makes me wonder if I messed up somewhere down the road. I never imagined I’d yearn for a life partner, but the singing birds and crunching leaves under my feet no longer sound as comforting as they once did.

Her Guardian: Chapter 2

I pushed Gabby into the bedroom and closed the door. My heart was racing, but I had to stay calm for her sake. I grabbed the suitcase out of the top of the closet and sat it on the bed. “Here,” I said as I zipped it open. “Put some pajamas and two outfits in here.”

She didn’t move. “Why?”

“Don’t ask me questions right now, just do as I say.” I peeked into the living room. Squint was sitting quietly on the couch with the TV remote in hand. I turned back to Gabby. She was digging through the bottom dresser drawer.

“I will be right back, okay?” I said as I put my hand on the top of her head. She turned around with a t-shirt and pants.

“Does this match?” she asked. I felt a ball form in my throat. I was having her pack a suitcase, yet I had no plan for what to do next. I just knew we couldn’t stay in that house any longer.

“Yes,” I was able to squeak out through my tightened throat. I forced a smile at her as she got up to rummage through the closet.

I had to figure this out. I couldn’t let this man hurt my little sister, and I knew at this point that getting my mom to leave him would be damned near impossible. I tip-toed through the kitchen towards the bathroom where my mom had locked herself inside after Squint pushed her on the ground. I lightly knocked on the door. No answer. I put my ear against the door and listened hard. Nothing.

“Mom?” I whispered.

I heard some shuffling and then the door unlocked. I paused, waiting for her to say something or push the door open. After a few moments, I turned the doorknob and snuck inside.

My mom was sitting against the wall next to the toilet with her arms resting on her knees. Her head was resting on her arms so that I could only see the top of her head. She had the most beautiful, thin blonde hair. It laid perfectly along her shoulders and down her back. She didn’t move, even after I closed the door behind me.

“Mom?” I said.

After a few moments, she looked up. Her eyes were dark. It looked like she was high. “What?” She replied, her voice was scratchy and deep.

“We have to go. We have to get out of here before he hurts us.”

She put her head back on her arms and shrugged. “I can’t leave.”

I took a deep breath and looked around the room. “Mom, Gabby and I cannot stay here. You get that, right? He just threatened to kill all three of us. We have to go.” I pleaded. “Please.” I felt my desperation flow out as smooth as butter. She didn’t move.

I threw up my hands. “Mom!”

Silence filled the room and once again I started to feel my throat get tight. I stood there with my eyes closed, praying the monster inside of her would let her go. I opened the door and snuck back to the bedroom.

“Do you have your things ready to go?” I asked Gabby. She was on her knees looking through a large pile of shoes.

“I don’t know what shoes I should bring. Where are we going?” she asked.

“We’re just gonna go on a little adventure. Everything is going to be okay,” I assured her. I threw a pair of pants and a towel into the suitcase. “Hurry up,” I urged. I grabbed a pillow off of the bunk bed and smashed it into the suitcase. I grabbed Gabby’s arm and pulled her up off the ground. “We have to go now. C’mon.”

We walked through the living room to the front door. Squint hollered, “Where you guys goin?”

I pushed Gabby outside and closed the door behind us.

Read Her Guardian: Chapter One.

Her Guardian: Chapter One

I closed the cabinet drawer, tucked the Cheez-Its under my shirt, and tip-toed out of the kitchen towards my room. I always get such a rush when I’m sneaking through the house, even though I could just go ask Mom for a snack. There’s something about being in hiding that has always made my blood flow.

“Here,” I said as I tossed the box at Gabby, hitting her in the shoulder.

“Ouch,” she mumbled, picking the box up off the ground. I swear that girl couldn’t catch a football with glue on her hands. I sat down on the bottom bunk beside her.

“So did you decide who your hero is yet?” I asked her. She stopped chewing and looked at me, raising an eyebrow.

“I thought you didn’t care about my schoolwork,” she slowly snaps. I could tell she was trying to keep an edge out of her tone.

I’m not always a great sister. That sounds bad to admit. But I’ve been by Gabby’s side my entire life, and I don’t ever see that changing. I love her, but I don’t always tell her- It’s one of those kinds of relationships.

Gabby has long, straight brown hair and dark brown eyes to match. She has long legs- much longer than mine. Sometimes I think her legs couldn’t possibly grow anymore, but that wouldn’t make sense because she’s only eight years old. She is small, but has a huge heart. Whenever I’m mean to her, I always think about how much she loves everything about me. If I tie my shirt up with a hair tie, she’ll be doing the same thing within a matter of minutes, whether it’s ridiculously hideous or not.

“I don’t,” I lied. 

Of course I care about her schoolwork. I pretty much raise the girl. I walk her to and from school every morning, and make sure she has her homework done before dinner every night. Going to school is our only escape from this hell we are forced to live in.

A loud crash interrupted us before Gabby could call my bluff.

I turned to Gabby and grabbed her by the shoulders. “Stay right where you are and don’t move.”

I walked to the doorway and peered around the corner into the living room. My mom and her boyfriend, Squint, were facing one another. My mom bent down to pick up what looked to be parts of a broken lamp. “That shit wasn’t necessary!” she screamed. “That was my grandmother’s lamp!” I could hear the break in her voice as she said it.

“I don’t give a fuck whose lamp it is, I want this shit OUT of my apartment!” Squint stammered back.

Before I knew it, I was helping her pick up the pieces. “It’s okay, Ma,” I told her, looking at her face. She was crying.

I didn’t have the chance to process the fact that my mom was crying before Squint grabbed her up off the ground by her arm. She swung her arm in a circle to escape his grip, but he squeezed harder. I felt my face go warm with anxiety. Squint grabbed my mother by the cheeks and leaned in close to her face. I could see her eyes frantically searching his face. Squint lowered his voice to barely a whisper.

“Get all of this shit and those fucking kids out of my house now,” he murmured. He pushed my mom’s face away from his, causing her to stumble onto the ground. I was frozen, so I couldn’t even reach to help her up. She picked herself up off the floor and walked to the bathroom without saying a word.

I turned towards Squint and looked up at him. He had his fingers on his temples, but I could still see the wrinkles and crow’s feet that covered his face. He looked tired. If he wasn’t such a bully, I may have even felt sorry for him.

I snapped back to reality and started to turn towards the bedroom, but Gabby was already standing beside me. I pushed her towards the bedroom. “You shouldn’t be in here,” I whispered.

Squint stopped us before we could make it to the bedroom. “Girls,” he grinned slyly. I hated that sarcastic, evil grin. “Tell your mom to get her shit out of my house before I kill every single one of you.”



I know you are mad at me. I know that. You have good reason. But I know you better than anyone else, and I know you well enough to know that you are going to be okay.

I had to leave. I can't explain the reasons why, but just know that I did not choose to be this way.