Saturday’s like yesterday

I wish they were all like that…

We cleaned out some garage trash, went yard-saling, and then spent the entire day in the backyard and in the pool.

We only have a small, inflatable pool, but we have a ball. We plan to play all day again today, too. Temps are above 90°, so the water feels so good, ahh. It’s been a great weekend.

Cheers to lazy and hot summer weekends!

People Watching

I’ve always liked staying in hotels. Mainly because I usually only do when I am traveling somewhere to do something exciting, but also because each one is different and the wonderment of making somewhere new and foreign a temporary home gets my adrenaline running.

I’m currently sitting in a hotel lobby looking out the big, clear windows at people bustling by, living their lives as I sit here silently watching them. Couples walk down Main Street hand-in-hand and cars sit at the stoplight waiting for it to change, just to move on with their day and never be seen again.

I like to put story lines on these passersby and imagine where they are going and what they are doing and what the reasoning is as to why our paths have crossed, if only briefly. Most move too fast for me to think too hard on it, but I still watch in wonder at how fast life moves and how amazing it is that people can travel so far so fast.

I watch two teenage girls, windows down, singing and blaring music at a stoplight. They glow with happiness and freedom as the passenger pretends to pass a microphone to the driver. Some of my favorite memories have been made in the car with the music up, heading nowhere in particular. I wonder if they are just driving through the city to pass time and enjoy one another’s company, or if they are heading somewhere electrifying like to the pool or to a concert. 

Where are you going, happy strangers?

The wind blows their long blonde hair as the driver hits the gas and the bass of their car pulsates the bottom of my seat as they go by. It’s a beautiful summer day and I’m glad those girls are enjoying it. Some day they will grow up and not have time to drive around town with no reason at all. Some day they will miss the memories that they are creating right now as I sit here and do my best to enjoy it with them, just a stranger sitting in a hotel lobby.

Mending My Crushed Ego

Okay. This almost pains me to write, but I always think it is important to reflect on who we are. So I’ll say it:

I am a jerk sometimes. And I lie to myself so that I don’t feel bad about it.

For some reason, today’s society tries to make us hard, cold individuals that classify all of our feelings as the same. In reality, everyone has their own traumas and experiences that shape their personality and language differently. Since when was it so normal to openly exclaim how much we hate our lives and how we don’t deserve for people to treat us in ways that we don’t like?

Don’t get me wrong.

Yeah, sometimes life just blows. And yes, you shouldn’t let people walk all over you… But for pete’s sake… I’m so sick of seeing everyone try to morph their own feelings and thoughts into the mold that they think that everyone else feels too. Feel your own feelings, take responsibility for the things you do, and do your best not to be a shitty person!

My fiance called me out today. He said, “Nobody can tell you anything! You always go straight into defense mode. Sometimes you’re just plain hard to be friends with. You say things that you shouldn’t, and sometimes you’re just plain mean!”

I opened my mouth to argue, and then I realized… If you argue, you’re proving his point. My mind was totally in the defense mode that he had just accused me of being in all the time. I sat there and pondered his words in silence as I stared at the ground. I was embarrassed- He was right. And the worst thing was… at that moment, I realized I had a shitty way of talking to myself. After I thought about his words, it made me think about how I put myself above others when I think to myself during conversation. For example, he told me, “You always think you’re right about everything.” And I immediately thought to myself, ‘Well I usually am!’

Wow.

How egotistical of me!! I actually thought that exact thought in my head. And I am extremely ashamed to admit it!!! So that is what led me to writing this for you guys today. Because let’s all be honest… We like to think that we are joyful, humble people, but are we really???

Later on in the afternoon, I grabbed him by the shirt and said, “Will you help me? I don’t want to be this nasty person that spews hate and anger, because I don’t think of myself that way.” When I think about qualities to describe myself, I lead myself to believe that I could never behave in such a way. It’s so incredibly hard to manage child rearing, full-time work, household chores and bills, a loving relationship, and making sure your mental health is in tact. I lost sight of my values and got enveloped in the stress of everyday life. I am not quite as great of a person as I sometimes like to think I am, and I can definitely improve. I’m just lucky I have someone that loves me enough to tell me when I’m wrong and willing to help me be the very best version of myself.

Dylan hurt my ego today. And I am sooooo thankful for it!

 

 

 

Story time!

Sorry to disappoint, but this isn’t a fictional story… I haven’t had much time to put into my writing lately, but I wanted to give you guys a quick glimpse into what I’ve been up to lately!

1. I have a baaaad rash of POISON SUMAC. 🌿😭 A few friends and I thought it would be fun to go creek swimming, but to get to the water we had to walk through some high weeds and grass. We must’ve walked through a patch of poison sumac because OH MY GOSH my legs are broken out and itch soo bad! It has spread on both legs, both feet, up onto my hips, and on my bum! I’ve never had poison ivy, so when my fiancé broke out I didn’t think I would too! Turns out, I did and I have GOT to get to the doc because I can’t take this anymore!

2. We had nearly $500 stolen out of our house this past week. It puts a huge strain on paying the bills this month. We don’t know who did it or what to do now that the cash is gone. VERY frustrating!

3. I have a job interview for a full time position at my current workplace! After the awful poison sumac and stolen cash, this news was a light in a dark tunnel! If I get this job I will make $3 more an hour and be offered great medical benefits. Fingers crossed I get this job!!! 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

4. Babies grow SO FAST. My daughter Della turned SIX months old on the 5th!! She is the best part of my day and it’s so fun watching her grow!!!

What have you guys been up to? Sorry I’ve been a bit absent, but I’d love to chat!! Drop a comment!

June Blogging Challenge: Day 12

Day 12!

Today’s prompt for the June Blogging Challenge is 

Your favorite color

My favorite color is yellow. 

To me, yellow resembles a time in my life when I overcame a lot of darkness and came out of a deep depression. To me, the color yellow is like awakening from a nightmare. It’s radiant and electrifying. It’s happy.

It’s the person I strive to be.

Radiant.

Electrifying.

And most importantly,

happy.

June Blogging Challenge: Day 4

Ahh! Good morning, bloggers! It is Day 4 of my June Blogging Challenge!! Today’s prompt is:

SOMETHING/SOMEONE THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY

This one is so easy for me! In January I gave birth to my first child, Della Rae. Being a mom makes me SO happy, so today’s prompt is a no-brainer.

Della Rae was born at 1:56pm on January 5th, 2019 at 7 lbs 10.5 oz. I gave birth via c-section (What a scary experience!). She was born with a head full of hair. This is her when we were still at the hospital:

 

This past Saturday Della turned five months old. Read The Last Five Months for more about how the last five months with my daughter has changed my life.

Della recently laughed for the VERY first time (see the above video). Until you have a child, you probably don’t truly understand how amazing small milestones like that are.

In all honesty, babies are kind of boring. For the first few months of life, they don’t do much but cry, poop, and eat, so you find yourself waiting imipatiently for them to do the next cool thing like smile, roll over, laugh, or crawl. But once they get the hang of tiny feats like that, you’re back to square one: waiting for the next cool milestone. I, of course, don’t much mind the wait. I love watching her grow and learn new things. She will be six months old next month and then the race is on! She will change SOOO much within the next six months, and I am READY for it!!

Being the mother of Miss Della Rae is the greatest pleasure of my life. Motherhood is a rush of happiness and excitement. What is something/someone that makes you happy??

June Blogging Challenge: Day 3

Hello June!! 

It’s finally starting to be warm consistently, but unfortunately the rain is causing big problems where I’m from. I live in Illinois in between the Mississippi and Illinois Rivers, and they are currently flooded so bad, quite possibly the worst they ever have! Please be thinking of my community and the farmers  as last I checked, only 35% of all crops have been planted this year due to the water standing in fields.

On a more positive note… I thought it would be fun to do a JUNE BLOGGING CHALLENGE! (You can see the challenge at the bottom of this post) I want to post a blog every day for the rest of this month, according to prompts given. I encourage you all to join as well! This is going to be fun!

Okay, so today is June 3rd, and the prompt for today is to describe what you wore in detail.

Today I am wearing some patterned leggings with a black t-shirt. The leggings have pink, orange, navy blue, green, and maroon on them, and I actually got them pretty cheap at Walmart when I was pregnant because the material was stretchy enough to fit over my big belly. To be honest, Walmart has really stepped up their clothing game. I feel no shame buying Walmart clothes, haha! The shoes I’m wearing are a cute pair of sandals (kind of like Birkenstocks) that I found at Goodwill! I’m such a bargain shopper, so don’t ever expect me to flaunt expensive name brand clothes. I’m also wearing a necklace that my fiancé’s mom got me for Mother’s Day. It has her name, birthday, birthweight and height on it. I love it soooo much!

Where do you shop for summer clothes? I’m not big on shopping online, but I think I want to try it out some more. Feel free to leave a comment with good clothing sites.

JOIN my JUNE BLOGGING CHALLENGE with the photo below. I’d love to hear from you guys!! 😊