Dear Mom,

Sometimes I wonder where you are

You hurt me bad and it’s left a scar

I don’t think you care and that’s okay

If there is a will, there is a way

I lock my heart in hopes of relief

But there is no escape for all this grief

I hate who you are and what you’ve done

This weight I bear feels like a ton

So many times that you have missed

I don’t know why I still get pissed

You weren’t there then and you’re not here now

You’ve broken every single vow

I remember the nights of fallen tears

For wanting all those broken years

I wish I could say it was long ago

I’m working on me and trying to grow

But I can’t shake this anger deep inside

“I love you, Chrissy Marie,” you lied

I should be big enough to move on

But my patience has been overdrawn

Someday I will tell her what you did

But I’ll be careful because she’s my kid

I won’t do to her what you did to me

Forever my baby she will be

I’ll hold her and raise her and never let go

And my love for her she’ll always know

Playing in the Rain

It’s a rainy day today.

I love the rain. I love listening to it while laying in bed. I love watching it fall. I love seeing passing cars with their windshield wipers on. I don’t know what it is. Just something about it makes me feel happy – which I feel is kind of weird since literally every movie ever made has a sad scene where it’s raining outside… Haha

I remember there was this one time in high school when I had a friend over to hangout when it started raining. We put on old mud boots, sweatshirts, and heavy socks. When I was in high school, we lived out in the country and the house had a long driveway with plenty of potholes perfect for the making of puddles. We went outside and ran around, jumping in puddles and kicking water at one another. I don’t know if she remembers playing in the rain that day, but it’s a day I will never forget. She was my best friend – still is, for the most part. It sticks out in my mind as such a happy time. We had no worries! That is, until the lightning rolled in… I don’t even remember what we did once we went back inside, but I know my uncle was also inspired by watching us play in the rain because I’m fairly certain he took a photo of us and posted it on Facebook.

Fun doesn’t have to be planned. You just have to make ordinary times special. 🌧

The Overthinking Mom in an Age of Information Overload

Google receives 63,000 searches every second.

There is so much information that we hold within the palms of our hands…

In today’s world, It’s easy to get caught up in what motherhood should be. We constantly battle with whether what we are doing is right or wrong because that’s all we see up and down our newsfeeds. DO THIS and DON’T DO THAT and WATCH OUT FOR THIS and MAKE SURE YOU DON’T FORGET TO…

Whereas a lot of information out there can be helpful, I’m sick of seeing articles bashing one parenting style from another. I’m already cautious enough with raising my baby, I don’t need your bogus claims about what’s okay and what’s not okay to make me feel like I’m not a good enough mother.

We should never feel pressured into perfection. We need to quit trying to conform ourselves into an image that anyone can portray on the Internet. Nobody is the “perfect mom” that you have put yourself down for not being.

You are doing an amazing job, Mom. Not everyone can do what you do! Don’t let an article online make you feel like you are anything less than amazing. Use today’s access of the Internet in a way that builds you up, rather than making you feel as if you’re not as good as the essential oil/ all natural/ gluten-free/ organic/ WHATEVER mom out there. You are!! Xxx

Let Yourself Love

Love is weird.

Whether we want to believe it or not, love can make us give up bits and pieces of who we are and give them to the person whom we love.

Sometimes that’s a good thing, and sometimes it’s not.

You see, I’m the type of person to completely give myself away to the person that has captured my heart. A guaranteed ten times out of ten, I will put my lover’s needs, interests, and wants ahead of my own. That may be my biggest character flaw. I am so willing to go above and beyond for someone as an attempt to show them that I care. However, not everyone gives themselves away so freely. Others are much more rough, like rocks hanging onto a cliff as the wind blows against them. The wind can blow and blow, and some of those rocks will never release themselves to the ground below.

Sometimes the “ground” is scary. We don’t know what is going to happen once we let ourselves go. How far is the drop? How bad will it hurt?

I’ve always been quick to let myself fall. I see love as something you make; something you work at rather than coast through. When you coast, sometimes you forget the things that are really important and disregard how your actions are affecting those around you. I don’t believe love stays once you’re in it. I think it takes continuous reflection and change. I don’t think once you fall in love that you will always be in love, unless you are willing to give bits and pieces of yourself away.

I know it sounds scary, but I see it differently.

Of course, trusting someone with the depths of your heart is frightening.

However, I have had the love that has shown me that it is not always that way.

I have had the love that makes me yearn for morning light so that he will awaken and we can start a new adventure. I have had the love where he knows the instant something is going to break my heart. I have had the love that not only fulfills me, but also betters me. I have had the love that makes complete silence not so lonely.

None of that amazing, lightning-fueled love would be possible without giving parts of myself away.

I’m not saying giving yourself away is all roses and butterflies, either.

I have had the love that makes me want to bury my face into a pillow and scream for hours straight. I have had the love that makes me lose all motivation to do anything with anyone. I have also had the love that leaves a horrible pain in my chest; so bad I can barely breathe.

None of that hurt makes me believe it all wasn’t worth it.

Yes, it’s hard to love. It’s hard to trust. It’s hard to rely on the hope that love will never end.

Sometimes love does end…

But if you love hard enough, sometimes it’s all worth it.

I think back on some of my happiest days. I see tents and bonfires and football games and roadtrips and lakes and sunsets. The list goes on and on…

I have had some incredible memories due to the fact that I jumped on the horse and let myself love HARD. I’m not saying that everyone deserves a chance at your heart. All I’m saying is that you deserve, YOU DESERVE, a chance to find crazy, beautiful love. Don’t let the idea of giving yourself to the wrong person take that chance away from you.

You deserve love where your partner completes you. I can think of so many instances where he was just better than me. I could be doing something as simple as cleaning out the fridge. He would come in and ask to do it instead, leaving me to wonder what I could have possibly been doing wrong while rearranging the fridge. And sure enough, there he was doing it just… better. For everything I couldn’t do, he was just better. And that completed me!

It’s strange that I think of rearranging a fridge as a monument of great love, but I do. Because even simple things like that bring a smile to my face as I reflect on the incredible love that I have experienced. I hope you are willing to give yourself away to someone that is better at rearranging the fridge than you are. Because you deserve the love that makes you appreciate a simple life 😊