It’s been surprisingly warm the last few days, at a wonderful 50°. Of course, that feels much warmer when it’s been brutally cold the last few weeks.
We bundled the kids up and let them run free outside for a few hours since the ground had finally hardened up enough to not be a soppy mess.
Their smiles are priceless and prove that the smallest joys can be created in the most mundane moments.
A Good Mom never believes that she is a good Mom.
Perhaps, I suggest to myself, it’s just how I stroke my broken ego after a long day of chasing children around the house.
Who knew a three year old could push my buttons so quickly? No one warned me of this!
Or, maybe they did. I just didn’t listen.
Sometimes I wonder how I’m supposed to be the adult and parent two children. I mean, I don’t even want to call to schedule my own appointments, let alone be responsible for a tiny person?!
Seems bizarre, but I seem to be doing okay at it.
When I was pregnant the first time, I remember several women telling me, ‘It’s instinct. You’ll know exactly what to do.’
Oh? That’s your idea of good advice? I have no idea what I am getting myself into and I’m supposed to just trust that I will instinctively know???
But I think I am beginning to understand that they just might have been right all along.
It is easy to love wholeheartedly and be tender loving. It’s easy to want to be everything for your child. We worry because we care so immensely that we just beat the hell out of ourselves when we forget, or worry too much, or be too bold, etc etc. The list of things we beat ourselves up over really could go on and on and on. It’s so easy to be the person your children need. You may not be perfect, but I believe the love and care comes instinctively.
But, I digress.
We were made to do this. Motherhood often feels lonely and the unknown journey can be paralyzing, but we really are just all flying by the seats of our pants. No one reaaaally knows what’s going on, and if they claim to, run… Because those are the people that are waaaayyy too comfortable relying on the comfort of a world we longer live in.
The times are changing, but you are a good Mom. You possess the tools you need to make it through anything. Mothers of the world, we got this.
Smartphones have absorbed our entire world. Our society runs through them in a lot of ways. They have single-handedly both destroyed the world we live in while also bringing the world closer than it has ever been before.
But I like to think of my phone as a tool.
Yes, I get on social media and play games and spend way too much time being unproductive on it… but today I’m thankful for my phone’s little tool called the camera.
There is a constant battle in motherhood. Loving your life, just as it is, right where you are at. But also hoping it gets easier, looking forward to tomorrow, and looking for the days when your life is no longer a constant sprint everywhere you go.
But the camera allows us a glimpse back into the moments we treasure. Memories no longer have to live in our minds. They come to life when you watch the video of your daughter’s first steps, or when you watch yourself become a wife. Photos let us step back into a moment and relive the happiness that we felt. All captured from this amazingly smart tool right at the tip of our fingers.
I’m thankful that these moments will be passed down and shared and relived for many years to come.
Life is too short to not enjoy. Turn off the noise, and focus on your happy. Groom your mind for positivity and live in the moment.
When raising kids, you often hear the punchline “It takes a village;” referring to the idea of having a community of people around you to help raise your kids.
To me, this idiom always makes me feel empty.
I don’t have a village. I don’t know what that overwhelming comfort of support and reliance feels like.
I don’t have people blowing up my phone asking to take the kids off of my hands. I don’t have a backup babysitter, let alone girlfriends to go out and let loose with.
I don’t have close family to hang out with on Sundays; and I am not best friends with my mom, as a lot of people my age are.
It always makes me wonder where I went wrong, or what I did to deserve to feel this lonesome. Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s an unwritten part of motherhood. Either way, it has a way of trapping you and making you feel like you just can’t ever win.
I don’t have a village, but I’m still standing. I’m still doing what I can to get along.
I don’t have a village, but I’m still killin’ this sh*t. I’m here for my children. They are loved. They are provided for.
So no, it doesn’t take a village.
But it sure would be nice to have one.
It’s broke girl season. Since I’m on maternity leave, my paycheck is only 60% of my normal wage- of course they’re still taking the full amount of taxes & deductions out 😅 Plus, Christmas is right around the corner so I’m trying to budget the best I can. Not to mention, I hit a deer on my birthday and I still have to pay the $500 deductible before I can get my car fixed.
With the holidays coming up, I’m also trying to figure out which Christmas presents I can make homemade.
Leon turned three weeks old yesterday, and I didn’t have the money to hire a professional photographer to take his photos… so I did them myself! I bought the hat and suspenders set on Amazon for like $15 and I already had the wicker basket. Add in a house built in the 1890s with beautiful natural woodwork, and you’ve got a perfect backdrop.
Here’s a preview of my work:
Our family was completed on 10/27 🤍 Welcome to this crazy world, Leon Richard!
We are both healthy & doing well at home. I’m unbelievably blessed.
I met you in the fall of 2016. You know the story, so I’ll spare the details.
But I most remember the way I scoffed to myself that you were not the kind of guy I needed to get involved with. I mean, I was just out of a long-term relationship, in the middle of my military training and living nearly 900 miles across the country from home. Not to mention, you had hair to the middle of your back, played in a band, and shared debatable political posts on Facebook that made me think to myself, ‘This guy is different. He’s not typical and his mind seems intriguing.’
But some part of me must have thought I was better than the hot drummer from a county over because I always swore to myself I wasn’t interested. I gave you the silent treatment many times and showed my sass early on.
Thank goodness you didn’t give up.
You were relentless and determined to get a response.
I finished my military training and came home- where you lived just a town over. At this point, we’d never met face to face, so you were really the first person I saw when I got back to Illinois.
And we’ve been side by side ever since. It’s like the world put us together; our gravities collided. I don’t know if I believe in fate, but I do believe in giving in to natural attraction, even if it’s scary and unexpected. Taking those journeys is what life is all about, even if you make a mistake or fall along the way. I think life will pleasantly surprise you in many ways; just by taking that leap of faith.
The spark between us is still very much alive today. You still make me laugh more than anyone and watching you become a father has been one of the greatest treasures of my life. I’m always cheering you on – whether it be your career or something as simple as watching you show our daughter the most sincere and affectionate love she could ever be given. I trust you and I love you forever. There is no one else on this planet that I’d rather share the adventure of parenthood with than you.
Thank you for showing me compassion throughout my journey into motherhood. I have no doubt the second time around will be just as amazing as the last.
Five more days til we complete the family we started five years ago. 🤍
Well, friends. We are 13 days away from baby day.
We go to the hospital for the planned C-section on the 27th unless labor progresses on its own before then.
We are under two weeks away.
I say ‘we’ although it feels more like ‘I.’
Ya know… I carried this baby. I tore my body up. I suffered and puked and cried and endured the pregnancy on my own. Somehow it still feels selfish to take all the credit. I’m conflicted, however, because a cesarean is no joke and I’m the one going under the knife. To be honest, I’m scared to death to do it again, but I understand it’s something I’ve got to do. I’ve expressed my worry to my fiancé and he is very supportive and doing his best to understand, but in the back of my mind I still know that after all, it’s me that is ultimately going through this. Not him. He is in a way – but not really.
So yeah, I’m anxious and worried and scared.
So send good vibes and wish us luck on a healthy remaining two weeks!!! Because I’m doing my best to try to keep my mind at bay, but it’s been a struggle and every day that we get closer is another day closer to me freaking out!
I can do this. Almost there.
We’re at 35 weeks, everyone! I’ve officially made it inside the 30 day mark. This is almost cause for celebration (almost)!
Today I had an ultrasound and he was measuring one week ahead and nearly SIX pounds. It’s always reassuring to see your babe appear healthy and growing while in your womb. Not everyone gets to experience that, so it’s something I try to enjoy although pregnancy can be a struggle.
Four more weeks. I can do this. I’m beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
(Even though I don’t have the nursery completed or a hospital bag packed)
Between the Lens 