13 days to go…

Well, friends. We are 13 days away from baby day.

We go to the hospital for the planned C-section on the 27th unless labor progresses on its own before then.

We are under two weeks away.

I say ‘we’ although it feels more like ‘I.’

Ya know… I carried this baby. I tore my body up. I suffered and puked and cried and endured the pregnancy on my own. Somehow it still feels selfish to take all the credit. I’m conflicted, however, because a cesarean is no joke and I’m the one going under the knife. To be honest, I’m scared to death to do it again, but I understand it’s something I’ve got to do. I’ve expressed my worry to my fiancé and he is very supportive and doing his best to understand, but in the back of my mind I still know that after all, it’s me that is ultimately going through this. Not him. He is in a way – but not really.

So yeah, I’m anxious and worried and scared.

So send good vibes and wish us luck on a healthy remaining two weeks!!! Because I’m doing my best to try to keep my mind at bay, but it’s been a struggle and every day that we get closer is another day closer to me freaking out!

I can do this. Almost there.

35 weeks

We’re at 35 weeks, everyone! I’ve officially made it inside the 30 day mark. This is almost cause for celebration (almost)!

Today I had an ultrasound and he was measuring one week ahead and nearly SIX pounds. It’s always reassuring to see your babe appear healthy and growing while in your womb. Not everyone gets to experience that, so it’s something I try to enjoy although pregnancy can be a struggle.

Four more weeks. I can do this. I’m beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

(Even though I don’t have the nursery completed or a hospital bag packed)

EOD Thoughts: 09.26.2021

Another weekend has come and gone.

Saturday we celebrated some friends at their wedding

(It was nice to get out without Della – we haven’t had a date night in quite a while)

And Sunday we did some household chores and finished the night with a short hike and some time at the playground

We even snuck up on six deer grazing on the other side of the water!
She sure loves going down slides!

I’m thankful for my family and friends always

And I’m thankful I’ve only got four weeks of pregnancy left!

For Years to Come

There is no handbook on how to deal with heartache

There is no medicine to cure the pain

How can the one you love most use words that pierce your heart like a knife to bare skin?

It’s not the first time

And won’t be the last –

Your words have such impact on someone who reads into every clue from your brow

I study you

My absolute favorite person

The one I know most about

The one I revolve my life around

Why do I feel I’m more in love with you than I feel like you’re in love with me?

You hide your true emotion behind words that sting like a hornet

Its harsh pain will eventually dissipate

But you’ll remember how badly it hurt in that moment for years to come

EOD Thoughts: 09.14.2021

New phone finally!

You don’t realize how hard your life is without a smart phone until you gotta try to get by without one.

How scary it is to even get on the road knowing you don’t have a way to make an emergency call if needed.

Couldn’t access all of my work websites because I wasn’t able to two-factor authenticate my apps via text messaging codes.

I’m hopelessly phone-reliant

Even though I don’t wanna be

Everything is broken.

Not everything. But sometimes it feels like it.

Phone is broken. Laptop is broken.

I’m 9 months pregnant, so every part of my body feels broken.

Heh heh.

But really.

So for now I’m limited on what I can really post – I can’t type on my phone it’s so broken, let alone take any pictures. Things have been very simple around here and my onscreen time has gone down significantly.

But I’ve also really noticed how much of a tool I use my phone as.

I’m not talking about Facebook scrollin’, but I do keep my calendar in my phone updated. Other tools I use on my phone that I’m now really struggling without is the calculator and text messages. I keep a lot of lists and notes in my phone, too, so I’ve been walking around aimlessly it feels like.

How does anyone that works a regular full-time job have time to run any errands without using up personal time or vacation? I don’t have the time during the day to run to the cell store and get a new phone.

Looks like society is a bit broken, too.

My Thoughts on Afghanistan

13 American Servicemembers were killed last Thursday.

13 families’ lives changed forever.

I can’t really bring myself to come up with the right words to say because I am just so heartbroken. I can’t relate to going overseas, but I do remember what it was like to join the military.

The excitement for new opportunities and experiences.

The pride of serving a country that so many people love.

The smooth arrogance of feeling like people look up to you.

Every person that takes that oath, myself included, expects to come home in a casket with a flag draped over it.

I met some damn good people while in the military. I’m proud of the time I spent and the things I did. I could never imagine my story ending like this.

Neither did they.

And to have a president that didn’t protect them.

I’m angry. I am terribly sad. I am disappointed.

Unfortunately, I don’t think anyone will be held accountable for these 13 lives that should’ve never been lost.

I’ve looked through their pictures and read their families words about them. I feel as if it’s going to haunt me for quite some time. America just feels more and more hopeless these days.