Tag: life

Capturing Me

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Today was an exciting day!

Many of you have been with me since I started this blog in 2018. I have always loved writing and I came here to keep a journal, explore my talents, meet new friends, and have a home for all my words. A place for my children to come back to and read my thoughts and words and feel comfort. Having this place to store my writing feels like a safe haven I can always turn back to when I need to take a load off.

Today was an exciting new chapter for my love of writing.

I live in a very small town in the Midwestern United States. Our village has a population of about 450 people but we have a wonderful community and people working to improve the lives of the citizens. There is a local nonprofit that our town started last year to support the restoration of town and bring the community together. Less than two weeks ago I suggested to a few of the nonprofit officers that we start a new monthly newsletter. As it turns out, My idea was loved and had been in the works for months with no luck. I was soon after asked, “So how much of this do you want to take over?”

I said “All of it!”

A few days later I was voted onto the committee board, so I have a new chance to make a real impact on my hometown. So with the deadline of March 1 peering down on me, I dove into the history of our town, talked with locals, formatted a new newspaper-style flyer, printed 200, and tonight we walked door-to-door passing them out to residents. A whirlwind of a two weeks it was, but nonetheless, I am now the editor of a small town monthly paper where I’ll be bringing my community together and sharing my writing with even more readers. So many around town are excited for this, so I’m excited to pursue what I love and see it blossom in new avenues that I never could have foreseen!

Fresh Air & Smiles

It’s been surprisingly warm the last few days, at a wonderful 50°. Of course, that feels much warmer when it’s been brutally cold the last few weeks.

We bundled the kids up and let them run free outside for a few hours since the ground had finally hardened up enough to not be a soppy mess.

Their smiles are priceless and prove that the smallest joys can be created in the most mundane moments.

EOD Thoughts: 02.02.2024

Life is so short. Sometimes it’s unimaginable the traumas and experiences people endure throughout life.

But instead we must focus on saying what we need to say, loving loud, giving back, laughing often, and being brave. There are so many wonderful things to look forward to.

I recently stuck my neck out to reconnect with a friend, and we happily picked things back up just like we did nearly three years ago. I’m happy we did this because a huge weight has been lifted off of chest. She went through the loss of her partner about eight months ago and I feel terrible I wasn’t there for her in that time of need.

But life happens and it’s not always easy to maintain relationships. We have always been rooting one another on from afar.

But, as I’m constantly reminded… Life is so short and we need to make time for the people that bring light to our lives. I want to spend my time with people that make me feel alive and welcomed and happy.

Pride is worth setting aside for love.

Getting back up

2023 was a year of ups and downs. I learned a lot about who has my back, and how resilient I can be when I feel as if I’ve had enough. I had nights I cried myself back to solace, and days I couldn’t even show up to work. But I kept looking ahead.

I’m putting my faith in a better 2024 and manifesting joy and success. I got knocked down, but I’m committed to getting back up again. I’ve been forcing myself out of my comfort zone while simultaneously standing firm on certain boundaries. I believe this shows incredible growth. I’m never again going to have people sitting at my table that make me feel any doubt about if they’re rooting against me behind my back. I’m trusting my gut and leaning on my instincts. I am a strong and adapting and loving mother. I deserve love and freedom. I deserve sensitive people in my corner.

I speak it all into existence, this 2024. I’m getting back up no matter what!!

EOD Thoughts: 01.13.2024

I have been thinking a lot about being more in the moment. More in tune with my emotions, as well as understanding of the emotions of a now five year-old drama queen (she has a lot of feelings and we are working on how to restrain them). I want to enjoy more of these fleeting everyday moments.

Someday far too soon little footsteps won’t be chasing one another around the dining room table.

Little noses won’t need wiped and boo-boo’s won’t need kissed.

They won’t crawl in my lap for comfort or hold my hand going down stairs.

I want to soak these moments in and live in gratitude. It is not always easy. Five and two year-olds keep you on your toes at all times. But they are so pure and wonderful and full of joy and I wouldn’t change being their Mom for anything.

These days are hard, but there is also so much to appreciate and be thankful for.

Welcoming 2024

It’s ten ’til eight on this first morning of a brand new year and I am sitting on my couch enjoying the last few days of soaking in the cheer that comes with sitting near an illuminated Christmas tree. It is a quiet morning, which is out of the norm- so I am enjoying it. My sister offered to take the kiddos last night so that my husband and I could enjoy an evening together ringing in 2024. We don’t get that opportunity a lot so we jumped on it, but now that the holiday festivities are over, the house seems eerily quiet and I am missing the kids’ morning snuggles and laughs. Motherhood is a constant battle between yearning for a break from them and then missing them the second you say goodbye for one simple night away. After almost five years in this motherhood game, I am realizing that this is something that will never get easier.

Dylan and I did not want to go out so I made some pulled pork in the crockpot and cleaned the house (I always feel better after cleaning the house). We turned football on the TV and enjoyed a few hours alone together before my brother-in-law and his girlfriend came over. We played a board game and laughed as we reminisced and talked about the futures of our children together. I have been a part of my husband’s family since the very first day I met them seven years ago. We never could have imagined the beautiful children we now have. It is crazy to think about where we were even five years ago, and compare it to where we are now. 2023 was a hard year for me. And if I am being honest, I know that 2024 is going to come with its own fair shake of trials and tribulations…

We all know that documenting your goals on paper increases the probability of obtaining them. So I am taking this new year seriously and trying to correct some negative aspects in my life. I set some tough boundaries in 2023, but I stuck to them and found that my decision to cut negative people out of my life to be the exact line I needed to draw in order to bring myself some inner peace. In 2024 I want to spend more of that same energy and focus on doing more things that bring me joy (as well as doing more to recognize joy in the simplest of moments that often go unnoticed ’til later).

Here are some of the main focuses that I am “PUTTING TO PAPER” for 2024:

  • Physical Health. In 2023, I was introduced to many of the toxins and poisons that are found in everyday household items and in a great portion of all food and drinks sold in stores today. I am by no means an expert, but I have been researching a lot of these topics (for example, the dyes that are found in everything we use and consume) and attempting to make the switch the healthier alternatives. I have been switching out the products we use in the shower, store our food in, wash our clothes with, etc. I have made a little progress and have so much more to learn and swap out. In addition to cutting out toxins, I want to make more of an effort to drink more water, eat more whole and fresh foods, cut down on my sugar intake, and quit drinking alcohol except for on extreme occasions. I am investing in supplements and protein shakes and making sure that I take my vitamins daily. I am tracking my exercise in hopes that I can stay on track with my fitness and workout at least three times a week (hopefully more).
  • Mental Health and Spirituality. A few weeks ago I bought a daily meditation book and the plan is for my husband and I to complete these together in bed every night before bed. I am not sure exactly where I want to go with this category, and I enjoy leaving it open for me to go wherever it takes me. In whatever case, I want to be connected with myself and the universe more deeply. I am committing to researching and attempting meditation because I believe it has the power to uplift my mental health and alleviate some of my anxiety and insecurities.
  • Decluttering and downsizing. There is stuff everywhere. Always. And more to be added daily. And there is never enough space for it all… Well, I want it out. Gone. Over the last few months we have slowly been cleaning out rooms, readjusting storage, and preparing to finish the drywall upstairs bedrooms this spring. The warmer weather will result in us renting a dumpster and downsizing a great deal of just “stuff” we have lying around. I’ve already made a trip to Goodwill with a van full to donate and I’ve been filling several more trash bags of clothes that need to go. I am not a minimalist, but I do believe 2024 is going to be a year to refresh, let go of what isn’t needed (both physically and emotionally), and be content with the aspects of our lives that aren’t physical. distraction
  • More Focus on Self-Sustainability & Homesteading. We already have an amazing start at Ruble Gardens! The chickens are beautiful, healthy, and giving us fresh eggs daily. The garden produced wonderfully and there are still veggies stored in my freezer from this past fall. But we have a lot to learn. A lot of the fun of gardening is trial and error and figuring out what you like and how you can do better next year.

So here is to 2024 and all that it brings! Here is to health, happiness, and peace ☮️

EOD Thoughts: 11.12.2023

Another great weekend has come and gone.

Friday afternoon I went to my daughters school for the Veterans Day program. The kids all write poems, sing songs, and craft patriotic artwork for the halls. I always feel very honored to sit amongst our countries Veterans that served before me. Makes my sacrifice seems so minuscule, but I am grateful still feel I am worthy of a “thank you for your service.”

Saturday I spent crafting some homemade Christmas gifts. I made 16 bars of herbal soap, some candles, and even some beeswax lip balm. I’m excited to gift these to my family this year!

The weather this weekend was rather beautiful for November, so we spent some time outdoors playing and getting a tarp around the chicken coop for the winter.

We even got in the holiday spirit this afternoon! Our tree is up and I’m already feeling a little more cheer. I am usually always in a hurry to get up the Christmas lights because they truly just lift my spirits. The first week in November is usually when I’m ready to welcome the holiday.

So thankful for my family and making new memories with them.

I am OKAY-ish

November stumbled its way upon us so suddenly, yet I feel as though this year has been so full of emotion and has doubled in length. I have always considered Thanksgiving to be my favorite holiday. But this year feels different.

There have been about a trillion things that have hit me in 2023 and in, perhaps, the first time ever… I am wishing this month to fly right on by. I am viewing November as the final checklist I need to cross off before the Christmas joy begins and 2023 ends. Because oh, how I just want this year to end.

I have learned a lot about myself this year. In January, I unfortunately had to set a boundary with someone in my family. I went no-contact for the sake of my inner-peace, and here we are in November and I still have yet to hear from that person. It pains me to know that yet another one of my children’s “grandparents” just chooses not to be involved or show empathy, dedication, or love to them. They are sweet kids and don’t deserve to be teased with flaky grandparents that exclude and forget about them. I went through my entire childhood wondering if I was loved, and I refuse to put that pain on my children. They deserve influences that show up to birthday parties, invite them to family Christmases, call just to chat, and always show them that they care. I have seen this woman be an amazing grandma to my other nieces and nephews, so that is what strikes me the most. It pains me to the core, but I won’t share that with my kiddos.

I am proud of myself for setting a boundary and sticking to it. Honestly, it has tremendously impacted my mental health in a positive way because I am no longer exposing myself to the exclusion and anxiety as much. I am in control and making the best decision for my family.

I have been hurt severely by people that I considered to be my friends. I have spoken to my therapist about it many times. The loneliness and exclusion I feel has had me so drained, unmotivated, and antisocial. I have sort-of been shut down for a bit. Every day feels like I am just trying to survive. I will never stop for the sake of my children, but living everyday in a constant state of pain and anxiety takes a toll on the soul. I am so tired.

SO ready to be inspired. I need something to look forward to. I need friendship. I need compassion.

At first I was asking myself what was SO WRONG with me? I mean, I’m not that bad, am I??? WHY do I never get invited? What did I do to make these girls not like me? I mean, I have made so many efforts for these girls and it is never reciprocated. At some point, I have to give them SOME of the relational responsibility to be a good friend in return to ME, right???

My therapist said the biggest issue was how I was talking to myself.

  1. NOTHING IS WRONG WITH ME. I deserve love and friendship and effort. I didn’t do anything to deserve less than that.
  2. She said there are now studies that show many adults don’t develop this skill to accept relational responsibility (for example, if I do something nice for you, you feel obligated to return the favor and do something nice for me) until they are in their forties! Most people lack the ability to care about anyone other than themselves. It’s not me. It’s them.
  3. I am much “older” than my age. I can’t expect people to take care of me. I have to do that for myself.

So, as the title states, I’m OKAY-ish. I am continuing to carry on and do what I must to make every day the best that it can be. Things aren’t perfect, and they certainly aren’t always easy. But I am okay. It will all be okay.

I’ll be okay.