Today was an exciting day!

Many of you have been with me since I started this blog in 2018. I have always loved writing and I came here to keep a journal, explore my talents, meet new friends, and have a home for all my words. A place for my children to come back to and read my thoughts and words and feel comfort. Having this place to store my writing feels like a safe haven I can always turn back to when I need to take a load off.

Today was an exciting new chapter for my love of writing.

I live in a very small town in the Midwestern United States. Our village has a population of about 450 people but we have a wonderful community and people working to improve the lives of the citizens. There is a local nonprofit that our town started last year to support the restoration of town and bring the community together. Less than two weeks ago I suggested to a few of the nonprofit officers that we start a new monthly newsletter. As it turns out, My idea was loved and had been in the works for months with no luck. I was soon after asked, “So how much of this do you want to take over?”

I said “All of it!”

A few days later I was voted onto the committee board, so I have a new chance to make a real impact on my hometown. So with the deadline of March 1 peering down on me, I dove into the history of our town, talked with locals, formatted a new newspaper-style flyer, printed 200, and tonight we walked door-to-door passing them out to residents. A whirlwind of a two weeks it was, but nonetheless, I am now the editor of a small town monthly paper where I’ll be bringing my community together and sharing my writing with even more readers. So many around town are excited for this, so I’m excited to pursue what I love and see it blossom in new avenues that I never could have foreseen!

Welcoming 2024

It’s ten ’til eight on this first morning of a brand new year and I am sitting on my couch enjoying the last few days of soaking in the cheer that comes with sitting near an illuminated Christmas tree. It is a quiet morning, which is out of the norm- so I am enjoying it. My sister offered to take the kiddos last night so that my husband and I could enjoy an evening together ringing in 2024. We don’t get that opportunity a lot so we jumped on it, but now that the holiday festivities are over, the house seems eerily quiet and I am missing the kids’ morning snuggles and laughs. Motherhood is a constant battle between yearning for a break from them and then missing them the second you say goodbye for one simple night away. After almost five years in this motherhood game, I am realizing that this is something that will never get easier.

Dylan and I did not want to go out so I made some pulled pork in the crockpot and cleaned the house (I always feel better after cleaning the house). We turned football on the TV and enjoyed a few hours alone together before my brother-in-law and his girlfriend came over. We played a board game and laughed as we reminisced and talked about the futures of our children together. I have been a part of my husband’s family since the very first day I met them seven years ago. We never could have imagined the beautiful children we now have. It is crazy to think about where we were even five years ago, and compare it to where we are now. 2023 was a hard year for me. And if I am being honest, I know that 2024 is going to come with its own fair shake of trials and tribulations…

We all know that documenting your goals on paper increases the probability of obtaining them. So I am taking this new year seriously and trying to correct some negative aspects in my life. I set some tough boundaries in 2023, but I stuck to them and found that my decision to cut negative people out of my life to be the exact line I needed to draw in order to bring myself some inner peace. In 2024 I want to spend more of that same energy and focus on doing more things that bring me joy (as well as doing more to recognize joy in the simplest of moments that often go unnoticed ’til later).

Here are some of the main focuses that I am “PUTTING TO PAPER” for 2024:

Physical Health. In 2023, I was introduced to many of the toxins and poisons that are found in everyday household items and in a great portion of all food and drinks sold in stores today. I am by no means an expert, but I have been researching a lot of these topics (for example, the dyes that are found in everything we use and consume) and attempting to make the switch the healthier alternatives. I have been switching out the products we use in the shower, store our food in, wash our clothes with, etc. I have made a little progress and have so much more to learn and swap out. In addition to cutting out toxins, I want to make more of an effort to drink more water, eat more whole and fresh foods, cut down on my sugar intake, and quit drinking alcohol except for on extreme occasions. I am investing in supplements and protein shakes and making sure that I take my vitamins daily. I am tracking my exercise in hopes that I can stay on track with my fitness and workout at least three times a week (hopefully more).
Mental Health and Spirituality. A few weeks ago I bought a daily meditation book and the plan is for my husband and I to complete these together in bed every night before bed. I am not sure exactly where I want to go with this category, and I enjoy leaving it open for me to go wherever it takes me. In whatever case, I want to be connected with myself and the universe more deeply. I am committing to researching and attempting meditation because I believe it has the power to uplift my mental health and alleviate some of my anxiety and insecurities.

Decluttering and downsizing. There is stuff everywhere. Always. And more to be added daily. And there is never enough space for it all… Well, I want it out. Gone. Over the last few months we have slowly been cleaning out rooms, readjusting storage, and preparing to finish the drywall upstairs bedrooms this spring. The warmer weather will result in us renting a dumpster and downsizing a great deal of just “stuff” we have lying around. I’ve already made a trip to Goodwill with a van full to donate and I’ve been filling several more trash bags of clothes that need to go. I am not a minimalist, but I do believe 2024 is going to be a year to refresh, let go of what isn’t needed (both physically and emotionally), and be content with the aspects of our lives that aren’t physical. distraction
More Focus on Self-Sustainability & Homesteading. We already have an amazing start at Ruble Gardens! The chickens are beautiful, healthy, and giving us fresh eggs daily. The garden produced wonderfully and there are still veggies stored in my freezer from this past fall. But we have a lot to learn. A lot of the fun of gardening is trial and error and figuring out what you like and how you can do better next year.

So here is to 2024 and all that it brings! Here is to health, happiness, and peace ☮️

Take the Pictures, and Hug Often

Our daughter will be five years old the first week of January. She is currently full of spunk and sass and all things that resemble a toddler-turned-teenager. She fights bedtime every single night, doesn’t willingly eat anything besides white rice and Pringle’s, and knows every single way to push my buttons in just the right way.

This morning, during one of our arguments about the importance of getting out of the house on-time, I raised my voice and told her that I was not very happy with how she was behaving and that she needed to put her shoes on. She was upset and crying uncontrollably. Finally, after ten minutes of arguing over every single barrier preventing us from getting out the door, my husband got her in the car while I gathered my things to leave. Moments later, my husband comes back inside and tells me that she was outside screaming because she wanted a hug goodbye from Mom.

Guilt hit me. In the midst of the morning madness, I rushed her right out of the door without even giving her some lovin’s. I went outside, wrapped my arms around her and told her that Mommy loved her even when she has big feelings and behaves in ways she shouldn’t. I did not want her to leave feeling like she had upset me enough to make her question my love for her. Our children are our greatest gifts, even when they test your limits and leave you feeling defeated.

This week has been an extremely difficult week for my hometown community. One of my good friends from high school experienced the loss of her two-month-old child on Tuesday. Her son went to bed Monday night and never woke up.

Although we admittedly aren’t as close as we were ten years ago, the pain and confusion and sorrow hit me just the same. Sometimes the world is so unfair and does not offer an explanation to the pain we are often bestowed.

I have hugged, kissed, and held both of my children with an aching in my heart all week long. The loss of a child is so unimaginably heartbreaking, and I don’t really have the words to offer any sense of comfort to the family that is undoubtedly navigating the worst days of their entire lives. Tonight is the visitation, so I went to the store on my lunch break today to look for a sympathy card. It feels silly to be buying a card when all I really want to do is wave a magic wand and make it all go away for this wonderfully loving and giving family. I cannot imagine what they are going through, yet here I am wondering how on earth I am going to keep it together when I offer my sympathies and respects to them later this evening. My heart, and many within my community, are completely shattered for the loss of a life so precious.

As unfortunate as these times may be, they do offer an important reminder. Life is not always promised, and it can be gone in the blink of an eye. Take the pictures. Soak in the moments. Hug your children. Love ferociously. Be compassionate. Appreciate today. Say, “I love you.” Be empathetic. Hug and kiss often.

From the heart of a mother grieving for another, please keep this family in your thoughts and prayers as they navigate this difficult journey forward.

Rest in peace, sweet baby Knox. You may not have been on this earth for long, but your memory stays alive in the hearts of many.

I’m an Auntie again!

We welcomed a new baby girl to our family yesterday evening!

My first niece from my husband’s side of the family was born at 6:03 last night and we couldn’t be more excited! My brother-in-law Jake and his girlfriend Nicole are both doing well and the adorable baby Thea is healthy as can be! Super thankful for a routine delivery!

My husband and I made the trip to the hospital last night and got to say hello to the newest bundle of joy in our family.

The Night Before Our Wedding

This time last year, we were tucked away in the Tennessee woods preparing for a wedding. The night before our wedding we grilled a dinner and filled the bar with various foods and desserts. Nearly all of us in the wedding were in our swimsuits, getting in and out of the hot tub while smoking cigars and drinking beer and wine. As much work as it was, I am so appreciative of the memories of that weekend.

Tomorrow will be our one year wedding anniversary. I saved some wedding cake in the freezer that I am so excited to give a try! We don’t have much planned, but snuggling up on a football Sunday with our kiddos is really all we need. We really soak in our “stay-home days,” as our daughter calls them.

In honor of our wedding anniversary, I am going to share some photos from our special day. It is still hard to believe that this was our day and that it played out so beautifully.

We also made so many memories that weren’t captured professionally that are worth sharing, too.

The wedding party went on a hike Friday before the wedding

Our cabin, where everyone stayed & where we held the wedding

The dress rehearsal + our beautiful family

The girls all wore flannels to get ready in

A table of food that was always being grazed from

Vacationing in Colorado: Day Two

The next morning was chilly and wet from the overnight rain. We woke around 7 and started packing our things to hit the road. When we finally got going, the GPS was showing over 500 miles on I-70 would lead us right into Colorado. So the trip began, and the long journey through Kansas brought us to Denver at about 3:30.

Here is when we start on some drama. When we first arrived in Denver, of course there was bumper to bumper traffic lined up in front of the exit that we needed to take to make it to our hotel. Less than half of a mile took several minutes to travel, but eventually we made it to where we were booked to stay for the next two nights.

I booked this vacation, including all tickets and lodging reservations back in February of this year. I usually book through Expedia to save time and accrue points. We get there and the hotel couldn’t “find” our reservation. I explained, Expedia confirmed my trip earlier this week. I’ve got the Itinerary ID right here.

Nope. The front desk attendant told me that I needed to get on the phone with Expedia and rip them one for not sending them the reservation.

I snapped. So much for quality customer service. But we needed a place to stay, so I hopped on the phone with Expedia. After a 15 minute hold sitting in the hotel lobby looking right at the attendant who told me they just didn’t see our reservation… Expedia tells me that regretfully the hotel was FULL FOR THE NIGHT!!

I about lost it.

Here we were 900 miles from home with no room even though I paid for it back in February!! I was fuming. Why wouldn’t the attendant just say that anyway??? Something was fishy. They continued to send away fellow travelers with prior bookings as well. Curse the hotels that double book themselves!! We got there right at check-in time for a room we reserved 6.5 months ago with no room to go to.

Thankfully, Expedia upgraded our hotel and covered the price of the difference. Small price to pay for how irate I was feeling in that moment. As sour as the whole fiasco seemed at first, it worked out for the better – leaving us super pleased with friendly staff and an empty pool at the hotel right across the street from the one I had originally booked!

After we settled in the new room and got changed, we ventured to the Blue Moon Brewing Co for dinner and some fresh beer.

We had spent much of the day finishing our drive to Denver, so we turned in pretty early this night. We still had so much on the agenda for the coming days!!

Vacationing in Colorado: Day One

I cannot believe it’s already been nearly one year since our wedding in the Smoky Mountains! Dylan and I are celebrating seven years in total together, but we just got back from a trip to Colorado to commemorate our first wedding anniversary that is coming up on Oct 1.

We had such an amazing trip, and I’m so excited to relive it as I write about the experience to all of you!! We spent five days on our vacation (2 of which were basically all driving) and we experienced so much history, nature, and hospitality along the way. I have so much to share about everything we witnessed, so I am going to break up the trip by day. Stay tuned for in-depth details on our entire vacation!

We left Illinois heading west last Friday morning, where we eventually stopped about 45 minutes outside of Kansas City at an Airbnb near Lawrence, KS. It took us about five hours to get there, but this short stay allowed us a little peace outside of the city and a break in what would be a twelve hour drive straight there.

We wanted to stop and hike some before we got cozy at the Airbnb, so we made a stop at Clinton State Park.

Clinton Lake

Break from Reality

A few weeks ago my therapist mandated that I take a mini trip somewhere completely alone. No kids. No husband. Just some R&R for good ol’ Mom.

At first, I was like there is no way I can make that work. I was nervous. I was scared.

Now here I am sitting here alone on a picnic table watching the Mississippi River roll right by. The subtle hum of crickets nearby provides a comforting white noise in the background. I am watching a man load his boat back on the trailer at the nearby dock. I miss the fam, but I am excited to spend a day with myself doing only what I want, when I want, and where I want. I splurged a bit and booked a hotel room that has a jacuzzi tub. I have been attempting to write my book for quite some time now, so that is what a big plan for the weekend is going to be. I have been working hard in therapy, researching a ton, and really focusing on that inner child within me and making sure she knows that I’ve got her now. I feel very refreshed to be away from home (but not too far) and enjoying some time to myself. I do have to say, this is the first time I have been anywhere by myself. It feels invigorating, yet safe at the same time.

Last week I called and made a dinner reservation for one. I left home at about 830 this morning, and got here at 10 o’clock. I have been exploring historic buildings like blacksmith shops, old general stores, and local antique and gift shops. I can’t check-in to the hotel until 4pm, so I am really just killing time however I want to until then. It feels weird to just slow down and soak in the sunshine and air without having to worry about if the kids are eating mud, tormenting the cat, playing in the toilet, or many other mischievous activities that toddlers enjoy taking part in when at home. At home, silence is dangerous. Here, it feels beautiful. The world spins slower, and enjoying Mother Nature feels more possible.

I am thankful to have this time away. I am thankful that I have a therapist that tells me what I need to hear and steers me towards things that nurture and refresh myself. Life feels lighter today. I like it.

Good morning!

I woke about 4am sweating. I looked over at my fan and realized it was not on, so then I glanced at the bedroom closet and realized that light was also out. I figured out that the power was out, so I rolled over and went back to sleep thinking it would most likely be on by the time my alarm went off. No such luck.

The school called around 6 canceling the entire day. At 6:30, I get a notification from the electric service stating that the estimated restoration time would be 7am. So I’m scrambling wondering what I’m supposed to do with my daughter for the day, and I couldn’t get ahold of my boss (still haven’t heard from him and it’s nearly 9am). So I just said I wouldn’t be in. I took my son to daycare like regular and they had power on long before we did. So why did they cancel school?? I was frustrated, but now I am just trying to enjoy my day off.

Im sitting on the front porch drinking a cup of coffee that I brewed just a bit ago. A storm rolled through overnight, which is why I suspect the power was out for some time, but it’s made the air nice and cool. It’s like 60° out but it’s cloudy and the air still feels wet. I love the smell. Like the earth was just cleansed and ready for a new day. The Midwest was hit pretty hard last Friday and then again overnight, but luckily most of it went north of us. We had to retreat to the basement one time, but the tornado was several miles outside of town. I’m not sure if it was even technically classified as one, but I know there was some pretty severe damage about an hour away from here where a tornado went through last night. My coworker was frightened because her parents live near where that tornado struck, and she was explaining to me that her husband’s grandfather was actually the one person killed in a local tornado that struck the area back in 1981. Apparently he was going in from his car after getting home from the bank and was struck by debris. Weather is certainly frightening at times, so when we were home shopping one thing we had on our MUST HAVE list was a home with a basement. I try to always be prepared and weather alert when there’s a chance for severe weather. This morning I’m thankful we didn’t get more than we did and that my family is all safe.

Now I’m going to go enjoy the day with my 4 year old and get some things done around the house. Happy Hump Day, everyone!

A Changing Identity

About a week ago, I wrote about the possibility of a career change. I am now six weeks away from graduating college (the first in my family to do so) and I’ve had several rounds of interviews at several different places and I am happy to announce that I have finally accepted one of the offers and am set to start a new job next Thursday!

Ever since I have announced my two-week notice at my current job, I have felt so much pressure and uncertainty and also – something I did not expect. Sadness.

I have worked at this company since July of 2018. When I first started, I was pregnant with our first child – our daughter, Della. I got hired on as Part-Time help, but soon after being hired was working 40 hours a week and doing jobs that a typical PT person was not doing at the time. I spent a year doing that, even coming back six weeks after having a child. A Full-Time spot in the department opened up, so I threw my hat in the ring. I was promoted and started receiving benefits and better pay. Throughout my time as a Specialist, I really saw myself grow and change in a professional setting, while also nailing down exactly what it takes to be a full-time employee, Mother of 2, serving in the military, and also completing college coursework. I knew that if I kept my head down and continued working on the areas that need developed, I would be on the path I wanted to be on come graduation. I stayed in that Specialist position until November of last year, when I fought for myself and my worth and what I was owed, and was promoted to a Coordinator role where I was more in charge of day-to-day tasks, leading a team, and managing deadlines. I had already been doing those things as a Specialist, but it was the first time in my professional career where I took charge of my own desires at the company and showed them that I was worth investing in. It forced me to counter offer employers and stand strong to what I wanted. I look back on the woman I was when I first started at the company and I can see the growth and development that I have committed to over the last five years. I am more confident as a leader, a teacher, and a professional contributor. I am very thankful for my time there and it has been my home and first real job in the professional setting, so I have been very humbled thinking about what it means to say goodbye. In the end, sometimes a company cannot offer you everything you want. And if you hold yourself to a certain standard of what you deserve and what you bring to the table, sometimes you will find that no matter how great the relationships are, or how great the journey has been, it is simply time to move on.

I think I found much of my own self-identity while working at this company. It’s local to my hometown and a very large percentage of its citizens work there. I have worked hard to establish a hard-working and reliable reputation within the company, so I am struggling with letting that part of it go. When you spend such a great majority of your life at work, it is hard to break that comfort zone and commit to traveling to new places, learning new skills and duties, and meeting new people.

I am nervous, but hopeful. Only the future will tell.