I have a hard time making sure that I take time to do things for ME. I am totally the type of person to give and give and give myself away to everyone else in order to keep those around me happy. I truly believe that giving is better than receiving, but let’s be honest… Itdoesfeel good to receive!
You owe it to yourself to not feel shame about doing what makes you happy.I used to think that doing so much for everyone else was simply me wearing myself down and not taking exploring the things that I love. But then I changed my perspective. Iloveto comfort people. Iloveto take weight off of people’s shoulders. Ilovemaking people feel welcome and at home. And just because I go out of my way to make those things happen, doesn’t mean that I care any less about myself. It makes me happy making others happy, and I shouldn’t feel shame or regret about the fact that caring for others (sometimes more than myself) brings me joy.
Find a happy medium.So… yeah. I like to make others happy. Most people do. But what you have to keep in mind is thatyou can’t truly be happy unless you are happy with yourself.You can give endlessly for those around you, but if you aren’t giving yourself evenhalfof the attention that you are giving to everyone else, there is no way you can possibly be happy. I can’t stress justhow importantit is to spoil yourself every once in a while. Sometimes I forget that my happiness and mental health matters too, and it always end in a crying fit of rage and jealousy. So find a happy medium. It’s good to care for others, but do not forget that YOU MATTER TOO!
Spoil yourself!Believe it or not, but I amnotthe typical girl. I would much rather go hiking or fishing than going to get my nails or hair done. The point is, it’s important to identify the things that bring your mind and body peace anddo those things!If you’re not sure what things you would enjoy to do for yourself, there is nothing wrong with exploring to find what works best for you and your schedule. You deserve to be spoiled because YOU ARE AN AMAZING, LIVING CREATURE! Life is hard! Make the most of it!
Here are some ideas of activities you can do to make sure you are caring for yourself:
Play an instrument
Read a book
Wash your face or put on a face mask (I tried this for the first time the other day, and even though it was a quick and subtle fifteen minutes, I couldn’t believe how refreshed I felt afterwards!)
Ride a bike
Paint your nails
Take a bubble bath
Go for a walk or drive alone
Put lotion on (I have recently made this a habit after every shower. It sounds silly, but that extra 5-10 minutes I get alone to myself after a shower really makes a difference! Plus, who doesn’t love soft, smooth skin!)
Take yourself on a date
Paint, write, or draw
Listen to music
Whatever activity or hobby you decide to take part in, make sure you are doing it without distraction and focusing on reaching a peaceful and happy state of mind.What do you do to rejuvenate your mind and body?I’d love to hear some of your ideas or recommended products!! Drop a comment and let’s chat!!
Maintaining friendships after parenthood is hard. Most parents will agree.
But I always kind of had a hard time keeping up with others even before I had a baby. I have always been more introverted, and I can’t really think of a time in my life where I truly felt like I had a “best friend.” Sure, I had people I trusted, hung out with, and considered more than a simple acquaintance, but I never really felt a connection deep enough to where I felt totally comfortable and completely understood.
A short time ago, I had an old high school friend message me and ask how the baby and I were. I hadn’t heard from this friend in quite a while. I will admit, I was being petty about her not coming to visit me like I feel a good friend should. After all, she lives a county away from me. When she messaged me, I was busy doing whatever thing I had on my list of things to do as a working mom, so I gave her a simple: “We’re good.”
I didn’t mean anything negative by it. I was just … BUSY! So she ended up getting upset about how she tries to keep up with me now that I have a baby and that all I do is shut her out. I can see where she is coming from. In all honesty, I will probably always be the type to keep my distance when it comes to outsiders. I like friendship and I do believe that healthy relationships are important, I just no longer have the time to put a bunch of effort into people that aren’t making an actual, solid attempt to see me. You can make every excuse under the sun as to why you don’t go visit someone, but when it comes down to it… it just shows that you don’t actually care that much. And I told her just that.
How much you care is how much you try.
On the other hand, I had a friend that actually put in a great deal of effort to see me and meet my daughter for the first time. When I first got out of high school, I headed straight to Eastern Illinois University. There I met a girl named Tiffany. Now, we both only went to school there for one semester, but we were thick as thieves. We would run out to my car and smoke cigarettes, go to the frat houses, and hang out in our dorm rooms. All college fun… but that wasfour years ago.We never lost touch.
Tiffany and I while in college
Tiffany and I this past weekend
I actually met up with Tiff in Chicago about a year ago, and then this past weekend she made the four hour trek to come visit me and meet my daughter.
I’d say that is a helluva lot more effort than most people give.
And we had only seen one another one time in the last four years.
My point of this isn’t to bitch about the people that aren’t putting effort into relationships.
My point is…The people that care, will show up.
It doesn’t matter if you only knew them for a total of four months.
It doesn’t matter if you haven’t seen them in years.
Until you’ve experienced it, childbirth is a scary thing to think about. For a long time, it was at the very TOP of my list of biggest fears. I didn’t have any experiences to compare the most painful and emotional thing that I was ever going to put myself through, so the thought of becoming a mom was absolutely terrifying for me. There is no moment in your life that will prepare you for motherhood. It’s something you just have to dive into, even if you’re scared shitless and don’t have a clue what to expect.
My daughter was measuring two weeks ahead and in the 99 percentile from the very first ultrasound. As my due date got closer and my belly got bigger, our concerns became about the method of delivery. I am 5’3” (on a good day) and my hips are pretty narrow. My doctor was worried about delivering vaginally because she may have gotten stuck on the way out, resulting in a traumatizing delivery or emergency c-section. He left the decision up to me: Did I want to try a vaginal delivery and risk her getting stuck? Or did I want to go ahead and schedule a c-section and avoid the trauma?
36 weeks- large & glowing!
After a lot of deliberation and weighing the options carefully, I decided to have the c-section.
With that decision came a lot of emotion. For some reason, people have this invalid perception that having a baby cut from your womb is “the easy way out.” I am here to tell you that it is without a doubt,notan easier way to give birth. Any method of delivery is beautiful, worthy, courageous, and just plainhard.
Seven layers of flesh are cut during a c-section.
The recovery time is much slower than that of a vaginal birth.
You are awake the entire time, knowing that your insides are open and laid out behind the sheet in front of you.
I didn’t get to hold my baby until almost an hour after she was born.
Five months later and I still can’t feel nearly half of my abdomen when I touch it.
I went in to be induced at 39 weeks, on January 5, 2019. I was told to be at the hospital by 6am. The night before I knew I had to be there, I laid in bed with my mind spinning and imagining what I was going to be experiencing in just a few short hours.
I don’t think I even blinked the entire night.
Being induced and knowing that it is most likely going to result in a c-section is perhaps one of the most nerve-wracking things I’ve ever gone through. I laid there that night and thought about how once I left the house, I would not return until the human that I had been housing inside of me for the last nine months was introduced to the outside world. I worried about how I would be as a first-time mom. I watched videos of c-sections and scared myself even more (Still cool though – I’m a science nerd). I was more scared the night before we went to the hospital than I was the entire nine months priorcombined.
Laying in bed with my fiancé the night before we went to the hospital
Four o’clock came fast. After what seemed like year-long pregnancy, it was finally time to get up, grab my bags, and go meet my baby girl for the very first time.
I never knew excitement and terror could co-exist so charmingly.
Baby time! Our picture together when we arrived at the hospital 🎉
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Stay tuned for my birth story. I will publish at a later time!! ❤️❤️❤️
I’ve hit a wall with my writing. It seems that I’ve ran out of all inspiration that is required to create a “good post.” So that led me to come to the conclusion that I am going to take a break on my blog. Sad face.
I just want to make sure that I gather some quality ideas and meaningful words so I’m not just pumping out average, boring posts just to fill my wall. I did not start this page with the intention of only focusing on follows or likes. I started this blog so that I could share my story and provide words of encouragement and advice to those that have been through similar situations.
For now, I want to focus on me.
But have no fear… I will continue to read and interact with what everyone else is writing. Maybe I can find some inspiration from one of you.
ALSO, Mathew S. and I have been working on a cool fiction collaboration that we will hopefully be publishing sometime in the near future.
Have a great week – I can’t wait to share with you all again sometime soon!!
Haha! I have to admit that I am absolutely obsessed with the TV showGrey’s Anatomy. I have watched the series seven times, and I am now working on watching it for the eighth time!!
Just for fun… here are some of my thoughts on the show, for those of you that have seen it. (**Please be aware that there may be spoilers in this post!**)
I feel thatGrey’s Anatomyis so popular because of its stance on important real-life issues like racism, the LGBTQ community, women in the workplace, gun violence, the opioid epidemic, parenthood, domestic violence, marriage, rape, and the loss of a loved one. Nearly everyone that watches the show can relate with some character or issue that is portrayed, and that is not something that every show can do.
Favorite character(s):Who doesn’t love George O’Malley? I will be honest… his death hit me waaay harder than Derek Shepherd’s. George was a kind soul, someone that was motivated out of good morals in nearly every decision he made. He was caring and loving and just plain… good. Another character I really respect is Richard Webber. I know in early season, I didn’t like the way he handed his relationship with Meredith, but overall, I see Webber as a wise leader. Someone I hope they never take off the show. Honorable Mention: Lexie Grey, Teddy Altman, Cristina Yang, and Atticus Lincoln.
Least favorite character(s):April Keppner. Her character actually developed into a strong, determined woman; but at the beginning I absolutely could notstandher. I would contemplate fast-forwarding through the show. I just don’t like a suck-up, that’s all. I can also admit that I didn’t really care for Meredith in the beginning even though the show is practically about her. I feel like she always over-reacted when it came to her trauma. Yeah, she had some tough times, but the number of times she got all dramatic was so annoying to me. You’re gonna try to drown yourself in the bathtub? Really? They portray her as such a strong woman in the beginning, but she dramatically gave up so many times. Annoying! Honorable Mention: Amelia Shepherd and Owen Hunt.
Favorite episode(s):This is hard. I think it needs split up into categories.Most important episodes?The episode where Dr. Bailey saves the life of a white supremacist and the episode where Jo helps the victim of sexual assault.Most dramatic episodes?PLANE CRASH. One of my favorites for the simple fact that I love the way they end Sloan and Lexie, in such a traumatic, love-filled moment. So devastating, yet so beautiful. Also the episode where there is a shooter in the hospital.
I wanna hear from you, Grey’s fans!!
What are your favorite episodes and most-liked characters? Let’s chat!
I’ve written a lot about my mother on this blog, but nearly nothing about the man that donated his sperm so that I could be sitting here today.
I know nothing about my father. I don’t know his name, where he is now, what he does for a living, or why he chose to walk away from a child that he knew was his. Sounds weird to say that… I don’t see myself as “his” in any way, shape, or form.
Most of my life I have been so enraged at my mother for her drug addiction that forced her away from her children. I have been so overwhelmed and emotional about the mother that was there and left, that I completely lost interest in caring about the father that never existed. It is hard to hate or be angry with someone that never made an impression on you. My biological “father” rarely crosses my mind, and I am completely okay with that, but today is one day where I always wonder about what could have been had he chosen to take responsibility of me.
I am lucky enough to say that a man did step up for me. He became the father that my coward sperm donor chose not to be. He loves me, supports me, and encourages me. He was at every softball game, graduation, piano recital, and he will be the man that walks me down the wedding aisle someday. I am extremely fortunate that my uncle took me in and raised me as his own. I will be forever in his debt.
Happy Father’s Day to my Uncle Sam. Thank you for being my dad today and everyday.
Today has been the first day since the birth of my beautiful babe that I have had practically an entire day to myself. It has been full of rejuvenation, self-reflection, and being able to finally catch up on laundry!!
I have days where I feel completely obliterated. Days where I feel like I have nothing; even though I am surrounded by love, happiness, and a beautiful family.
Days like today help me realize how important it is to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. I haven’t had this great of a day in I don’t know how long, and I thought it was important to remind you all of how important it is to make sure that you have a healthy state-of-mind and to pursue the things that you love.
What makes you love you?
What are the things that you love the most about yourself?
What hobbies do you enjoy that you haven’t pursued in awhile?
What enjoyable actions have you been overlooking because you’ve been “too busy?”
MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF, FRIENDS. Make sure you are continuously in pursuance of the things that MAKE YOU… YOU!!!
Often times we find ourselves SOOOO infatuated with the idea of caring for everyone else except for ourselves.
I’ve been struggling to come up with new content lately, I won’t lie. I was sitting at work one day and the urge to write about this suddenly came to me. I immediately flipped to the very back of my work notebook to jot down some thoughts on what forgiveness after pain means to me.
Forgiveness is hard. Whether you are the one in the wrong or you were the one that the wrong was done upon, deciding that you are going to move on is hard. It’s not easy saying that the pain you were feeling is simply… in the past.
I have thought a lot about the ideal of forgiveness. It can be freeing and bring a lot of relief. I like to think that, for the most part, I’m pretty good at doing it. After digging deeper into the situations of genuine forgiveness that I have personally experienced, I came up with a few points to remember when it comes to forgiveness after someone has caused you pain. Keep in mind, these are just my opinions.
To “forgive and forget” is foolish.I heard that phrase a lot as a kid. I believed in it for a long time. But let’s be honest. It isfoolishto forgive someone and then tell yourself there is no chance that it’ll happen again. I’m not saying hold grudges. You can let go of the pain, but still be conscious of what they have done to you in the past. There is nothing wrong with be cautious with your heart. Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me. Forgiveness does not necessitate that you set yourself up for more pain in the future.
Sometimes forgiveness requires distance.You can forgive someone and completely move past a heartbreak without allowing them back into your life. Some people are just plain negative, and some people will always have toxic tendencies – no matter how many chances you hand out. Sometimes the best way to heal is to conclude the relationship altogether.
Just because you forgive, doesn’t mean you dismiss their actions as acceptable. It just means you’ve let go of the resentment. There is a reason we all feel pain. Your feelings are always valid. Sometimes they may be exaggerated,but they are always valid.
Good morning, blogging world! I apologize that I didn’t do a June Blogging Challenge entry yesterday. The prompt was about what was in my purse, and I don’t carry a purse, so I couldn’t do much! Not to mention my mental health has gone down the drain the last few days. So bear with me as I work through this crazy thing we call LIFE!
Anyway, today’s prompt is
Something you’re looking forward to
This is hard to think about when you’re in a slight depression. I can’t think of any big milestones or events coming up in the near future. I guess the Fourth of July is coming up next month. Independence Day for the United States. That is always a fun holiday to celebrate with good friends, cold drinks, swimming, and fireworks.
What is something you’re looking forward to?
Any words of encouragement to get me out of the blues I’m in?
I appreciate all of your guys’ interaction lately. I truly adore my blogging family. Until next time! xoxo
Between the Lens 